The Guy You Never Knew

2010-04-25T02:29:00.003+08:00

Just wanted to thank God for one more thing. Today He has made me realize one thing. When I let go. Forgiveness follows. Happiness and smile returned. I love Him so.

** What's better to wake up to, amnesia? or a bad memory? I'd choose amnesia.

2010-04-25T01:47:00.002+08:00

Saturday has ended!!!!!!!! Shall skip to the part where it all matters most. Ladies and Gentlemen, Headphone's Guy has gotten his smile back! Yes!

Where positiveness matters and being myself. It feels so good to be back!!! Hola, Laurel's in the house!

This is also where the count down begins, 8 WEEKS!

** To have seen you smile and be happy, was enough to have made me smile. It's all in His hands now. I had a dream this week , whether it'll be real or not, we'll see, I'm not revealing it here.

Relationships

is not going to be in my vocabulary. At least for the moment. No explanation needed. Just that when that times comes, I'm sure, its going to be wonderful. When its going to come, only God knows.

Time and time again. The same word has been appearing to me, "wait". If you check my archives for this blog, always "wait" appears whenever this issue hits. Apart from that are the constant talks of patience. Yes, people may wait to charge into things, not excluding myself from this group. But it always ends up haywired.

Yes I've struggled, but during all this time, I've learnt what the difference between true love and liking someone really is to me. Differentiating the two always posed as a problem to me. Recently. Broken through, although painful, but rewarding. I know what I was looking for. Thank God.

I so don't want the "old" me to come back. Whenever my heart gives in, and gives it all, it always falls into the pit hole of black.

I won't regret anything that has happened, cause it was all for real.

Still standing by the fact that if I fall in love, I fall wholly and fully. Unconditionally and crazily. I think it should be that way. For now at least I wanna save that until the day.

**Holding onto, only in a different way, this time letting it all go into His Hands. For when the times comes, He will give it back, then it'll be righteously right. Wonderfully what should be there.

Physically Weakened

This I cannot keep in, but surprise surprise, I'm experiencing chest pains on the left side of my chest. I'm praying it'll go away. This is not good.

More to come tomorrow peeps, planning to embark on a day of prayer. =)

2010-04-18T12:34:00.002+08:00

Don't know whether I'm bored or whether I feel this should be in order to get myself moving.

This is a list of steps I'm going to take.

Step 1: STOP LISTENING TO EMO SONGS.

Step 2: START SMILING LIKE A MAD MAN. (This is insane.)

Step 3: Think about random stuffs.

Step 4: Concentrate fully and holly on God, friends that matter the most (Everyone), and my training.

Step 5: Sit down at the end of the day, feel glad that I've done something.

Aight, now move your ASS LAUREL!!

2010-04-18T05:49:00.003+08:00

Hooooooooooolllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa People!! Its been what, a helluva long time since this blog has ever been active, portraying the deepest, meanest, crudest and most yet complicated part of yours truly's black mystified mind! Somehow this blog has been everything to me, yet neglected since I entered OCS. Trust time and tide to bring it all back. Firstly an introduction to this beautiful place, this has been my sanctuary of pure (not innocent) thoughts, thoughts that have projected the very essence of life to me. The happenings, around, in and out of society, the effects and a story of ups and downs. This place has been through war, love and death.

Yes, society has started to use tumblr. Shit, tumblr's cool but too much graphics, I'd rather paint a picture with words (No offence tumblr users, your stuff's cool! =) Facebook, can't replace writing (Or typing) my thoughts, this is still the best place.

Disclaimer: This blog will not and will never be affixed or placed with Army related information. LOL.

Headphone WORLD NEWS

Anyways. Lets just start off fresh. In just two months alone so much has been changed, so much has been broken (not just literally) and yet so much apologizing to do.

I'm going to be honest here, cause I feel honesty's the best policy, hates keeping things inside so much, eventually it'll all come out.

Firstly, there's a change in my cell group. Apparently, N397 has dispersed. Sobs. I'm now brought to N246. New environment, new people, just the wrong timing. Not slaming you guys! The peeps at N246 ARE GREAT! Seriously, I hardly know you, but you're all so interested to know all about my life. Guys you're knocking at the right door but the door's jammed at the moment. Things are not going quite the way for me now. I'll somehow find the reason to smile again. When that happens, then you'll truly know the real me and what's it like to know me. For now, read on! I'd like to apologize to the peeps at N246, SORRY!

Headphones guy has fallen into and out of love. Yes, again, for those who have faithfully followed my blog would know. What happened you ask? (Not mentioning any names)

When guy meets girl, impossibility became possible. What seemed so right became everything so wrong. Wrong timing for everything to happen. Both had dreams, to fulfill and work on. Personal goals and issues to settle. Factors like these weighed down heavily on two people who just seemed to try find ways out. Until the balance just tipped over and the milk spills. Something had to be done, and it was. Never could two pretend to be happy and all is well, when disaster could strike at anytime. Had it gone any further, yes, the pain would be unbearable. I appreciate her for being honest and for what she did, I just didn't want to face it. I'm a fighter, I just fought and fought, but fought blindly. Hurting what we had, worse, the friendship we had in the process just being stupid enough not to let go when it meant the best.

Now its hard, just to even be normal. Its just time's like this that you just want to turn time back. To look at it in another perspective, it was a test of both worlds. Which is more important? What we're meant to do or just trying to control a disaster waiting to happen. Not saying that we'd end up a chaos, but it just wasn't the right time. I should've listened. She spoke, I just turned a deaf ear didn't I? Stupid boy. Sorry girl. From the bottom of my heart.

Nevertheless, I really want to ask. Just as friend. Really, sincerely, deeply, truly. A concerned "How are you?" But my mouth never seems to open. Just the thought that "she most probably won't reply" keeps flying into my mind. I'd prefer how we used to be. Just normal friends, who just shared everything with each other. Missed those days.

Yes, I'm not boyfriend material, can't really trust myself. Can't trust myself loving anyone.

Moving on, apart from heartbreaks, things ain't so good as thing start falling brick by brick. Life seems to take an evil turn. When the normally talkative and open laurel becomes so constrained by fear of letting people know him. Hardly makes friends nowadays.

Mainly why that smile hasn't come back yet, is the cause of spiritual dryness. Nothing compares to that, sigh. So much to go through, Army training, stress, etc etc. Just finding excuses along the way, and putting up a front only can last for a while. Until I really face the real problem. Me.

I just wanna be me, please come back Laurel. I'm begging you. Please smile. Please.

2009-09-19T14:00:00.001+08:00

Now that I'm among the stars, Can I climb higher?? To be that bright North Star? I've done it once, I'm sure I can do it again. For I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me! :)

2009-08-24T00:15:00.002+08:00

When all the world's a stage, and we are all players. I imagine my world to be just a concert, and we're all playing a gig. In each and everyone's world, we're all playing our own concerts, and we're the lead. How we sound, is determined by how we perform our songs. That happens when we're put under the spotlight. What will you play? Emo? Hard-rock?

This is just a thought.

Cause when I'm under a spotlight. I tend to worry more about what other's think about me, my song goes way way off. I need to be more myself. To find my sweet spot, between having to care about what others think and caring what I think of myself.

Thoughts.

Had a fun day. :)

2009-08-11T00:37:00.002+08:00

What should not be happening should not be happening. Its like the cycle has gone around. I shall not think too much. :)

2009-06-28T23:29:00.003+08:00

Like the movie, 3 simple words are not easy to say.

Until today, I realised, I'm afraid. So much I want to do, yet couldn't do. So much I want to say & yet I can't say.

Mouth made of gold. I think she already knows.

Unsavable.

2009-05-31T05:00:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you my faithful readers, this time not about women, but about MEN. Yes, MEN. Men are supposed to be impulsive, wild and unpredictable! Simply put, those are the good ones. Ladies, you know he's Mr. Right when he's like the above three at the moment he meets you. This is say because if he's not like that in front of you when you guys are dating, he's not that into you. Oh yeah, being a good listener is important, caring, understanding etc etc. But how many of you know that if you've a guy with only those you're going to be really bored and realistically alone the rest of your life! Imagine, he's a good listener, but he's not predictable, he'll probably listen to you, and just sympathize with you, THE END. Does that really solve your problem? The good one, will make YOU, YES YOU, Laugh or at least give you an advice that'll solve your every needs. He can be uber caring, I'm going to be crude here, but a Dog can be very caring as well. You're not looking for a pet, you're looking for a real, life-sized human being with a penis. That's where impulsive comes in, you don't need a reason to get flowers, you deserve them. How many can say you don't like surprises? Lastly, wild. When I say Wild, I specifically mean, you're looking for a Man who is a Social Disaster, not a Social Nut job who seems to have problem finding his fingers! You'll only find wild Men, when 1st of all, they are Men and they have no problems expressing themselves in front of you. This is incomparable to Understand unfortunately, because understanding someone takes time. But there is a link because of the chemistry and comfortability of being around that particular person.

This is a note to the Men, who suffere discrimination and misunderstanding worldwide. You can have many crushes, that girl might look cute, gorgeous and everything you've ever dreamed of, but if you can never ever express the above 3 basic in-built requirements to that particular person, move on. Impulsiveness, wildness and unpredictability are all in-built personalities for ALL MEN, apparantly, that's the good news, not applicable to a select few (Ahem, Flirts). Which is why, it is imperative that a Man be able to BE HIMSELF when going out with the girl. Sounds familiar? It is because through the ages, that has been the same advice given by many, just be yourself. If you can never achieve being yourself and have to force yourself just to be with her, please do yourself a favour, emancipate yourself from mental slavery, you're suffering.

2009-05-28T23:27:00.001+08:00

“Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding” (Proverbs 3:13)

2009-05-27T04:40:00.002+08:00

Here I prayed for a little more capacity, a little more hope, a little more love.
I sang songs I never knew existed, of course they never did, they came from my heart.
Was I strong enough, bold enough and without fear to continue my journey towards an ending that only seems like a dream?
Dreams are not without hope they say, and yet my world balances on faith told by the ages.
Ah, FAITH. What stories have been told about you, being touched by you several times like a double edge sword.
Snapped back to reality yet by a song, I only asked for abit more.

The Story

Above was an excerpt of my story, a story I might tell by song. Oh my Father, help me through my journey. My best friend, my unconditional Love, be by my side.

That person next door.

I waved that hand at you, but you just see right through me. An old and funny story, but so subtle and true. Expectantly, call me Mr. Invisible, What's Love without hurt? I always tell myself.

2009-05-18T03:40:00.001+08:00

I NEED TO SCREAM! So here goes.. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Its a good scream, not an emo one.

*** * *** *** *** ** * ****? Hees.

2009-05-09T01:14:00.003+08:00

YAY! Its D day!! My Birthday. This day signifies a lot of events in my life.

Looking Back:

- Signified a year has passed since I found friends in christ and those that will stick through thick and thin with me.

- Finally a birthday spent single. No heartbroken worries, no over expected expectations, best of all, no restrictions.

- 4 years since my mum last celebrated my birthday with me.

- New birthday to a new life and the birth of Isaiah.

- A year behind all the past mishaps and sorrows.

The Meaning of Your Birthday.

Your birthday does not mean only receiving presents, being born on that day, or even just celebrating. The REAL meaning of anybody's birthday is to signify your life and what you've done for others. Its a social standing. Simply put, the amount of wishes you get, let you know how much you've put or involved yourselves in other people's lives in a good way. Listen and see, how much you've sown into people's lives. This is usually the day you see your fruits singing your praises. This is the TRUE meaning of your Birthday. (:

Untitled.

Thanks for the wishes. I will not argue with you on who's better, its really a stupid argument. I've forgiven you, hope you do the same. It's best I just not know we existed for the moment, there will be a day where we'll be friends, just not yet. Lastly, Egoism is in everybody. Nobody's perfect. (: Think bout it.

2009-05-02T03:17:00.001+08:00

To start off, I'll have no regrets.

To end off, Yea, I'll be bit off, sad, but hey, life's like that. I won't go crying to nobody, cause nobody knows what I feel deep inside.

P.S. Keeping it all in, and always looking, somehow, everyone seems to be the same.

2009-04-28T07:37:00.003+08:00

"Give me a sign!", I said.

"No.", HE said.

"Well at least, tell me when's the right moment?", I said.

"No.". HE said.

"Why not?", I replied.

"I'll be wasting my breath repeating myself, When all I told you was "Soon"", HE boomed.

-

Heart built on faith, yet courage built on glass. What not so fragile, can one make a heart out of. For courage comes from the heart.

2009-04-26T04:53:00.002+08:00

Alright people, As a man, I should practice what I preach on my blog the words that come out of me. Ever had that moment where you spend most of the time thinking about something and yet it was hidden from you? That was this moment, the moment I smelt the proof of the dirt stuck behind the closet. I will not criticize, I will not blame, but I will say thank you. Although I will cast you out of my life, this is what I had to go through. I am free. This is my God and HE reigns what HE wanted me to see, I have finally seen.

The Time of My Life by David Cook.

I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart.

Untitled.

For a year and two months, I waited hope upon hope, prayer upon prayer. Finally it came to me during my quiet time, in a prayer FOR YOU, that I was given the thought to just take a look at the all so famous blog. Indeed what HE tells us makes no sense, What could go wrong I questioned myself. And I saw for myself.

It was the words that spelt. "THE END"

2009-04-21T23:50:00.002+08:00

Revelation on Stereotypes.

Usually, 70% of the people you meet are pathological stereotypes. This means 7 out of 10 people sub-consciously and consciously categorize you and I into categories in their mind. I'd like to think of it as typical human nature. As I was thinking about this, I began to do the unthinkable, I began to stereotype myself. This began with my mind creating categories, leader, advisor, worker, creator. Apparently, no one can stereotype themselves. Constantly, people tend to try and try, this leads to them being someone else other than their true selves. Picture this, when you literally try and put yourselves in someone's shoes, 8 out of 10, those shoes won't fit you perfectly. You'd be stuck with either a size too big or a size too small , and who does not know, that if you're having shoes on that don't fit, you tend to experience physical pain such as blisters, corns on your feet and embarrassing moments such as tripping over your own shoes. Not a good feeling ain't it? It all would not happen if you'd been in your comfy shoes of your own size and liking. Let's bring it all back to real life, the main reason why we as humans feel that we're going through troubles in our life, where time and time again no matter where we turn we always seem to be stuck, this could be linked to the shoe. We're not of the right size, which means, we are not being ourselves. These troubles, tribulations not only make you stronger but they are there to change us! As a sign from God that this is not what he wants us to be, and that he just wants us to look deep inside and pour out our true selves, that way, we tend to mix with the right people, do what we really enjoy, and end up, being happy! Like duh. Open your eyes, if you're just going through a path that constantly makes you cry, makes you sad, angry, frustrated over and over and over, why continue walking?! Take the fork to the left or right where there's a light at the end. Do the right thing, fit in. Don't try to fit in.

My personality.

"ENFPs are energetic and enthusiastic leaders who are likely to take charge when a new endeavor needs a visionary spokesperson. ENFPs are values-oriented people who become champions of causes and services relating to human needs and dreams. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others' contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. ENFPs are often charismatic leaders who are able to help people see the possibilitiesbeyond themselves and their current realities. They function as catalysts."

- ENFP - The Visionary (Lifexplore)

2009-04-20T19:18:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling that feeling again!!! hees.. Wait Laurel. Soon..

2009-04-13T02:55:00.003+08:00

Here I am blogging about things. 3 am.

Can't Sleep.

Yes, this happens naturally when things occupy my mind. Its now been months since I naturally felt anything at all. Hiding the fact about things just seem to just occupy more space in my mind. Things I think about, include things I never should think about. Sometimes people just think I wanna be emo for no reason, well I'd rather be happy than being emo, and that's a real fact about me, could be added into a book of 101 facts about Laurel.

Why would I want to be emo, when there's so much happiness surrounding me. Personally, how well do you guys know me? I don't speak my feelings, I hide em. Hide em so much that I sometimes just wanna scream.

Yes, I've found a new group of friends that could be there, anytime, anywhere. New environment to immerse myself in but that doesn't hide the fact that I could be putting up a fake smile just to let the day go by.

Not one day goes by without a thought about important things in my life.

1. My band

2. My responsibilities

3. My Family & Friends

4. Love

In fact, what I really scream about sometimes are about the things that put the entire list in the opposite direction starting with No. 4. I don't deny God's love and am not saying its not enough. Its obviously very enough. It sucks to not be able to fully enjoy the happiness around me, you might say its stupid to think about it, you might say its not very useful and is a waste of my youth. But how many of you can actually put the fact aside that somethings really missing. 1 year already has passed. People just need to be loved, and I'm going to use this word, "Intimately". Trying to recover what's gone, is a thing of the past. Again not saying I'm not putting my music 1st to pursue dreams and help to realise dreams, sometimes, I just need someone to be by my side. The contradiction? I'm scared of being scarred again. For just this reason, I'm reluctant to even try to pursue anyone. Yes, I'm talking about getting attached again. You might say, single life ain't bad, I agree, it isn't bad, but how far can you take your feelings with no one behind you? So the story goes, I've loved, I've lost. When can I love again? If this is God's way of making me even stronger for other emotional losses, I'll gladly go through it all again. HOW LONG CAN I RUN FROM THIS?!

*I should've been stronger, I did not wrong, just faced the challenge, of love begetting sadness, of sadness begetting a revival.

2009-04-06T22:13:00.003+08:00

Alrighty now, although I've a bad headache, the show must go on!! K, first things first..

The Band

I still feel I should still call us the band although we do have a name, but I somehow have that feeling our name will change so I'll leave it at that. We had our first jamming session yesterday and I must say, I am proud to be able to jam with you guys!! Being surrounded by the amount of talent, I really can see us going places. The session was packed with awesomeness although bit messy at starts, the magic started when everyone was synchronized. So about the session, well done you all! *Claps*

Now, down to certain things, although I'm part of the band, I don't know much about the music making process or the more in-depth areas so I'm relying on you guys to put in your opinions to each other about this, for example, "What can be improved? What needs to be added in? How this can be played?". What I can offer is only a third-person view and a direction in which this band can go.

Next on, what happens from now on? We play more songs, more and more so that we have a huge library of songs to play before we can enter competitions and have more band synchronization. This will take awhile (Maybe A Few Months), so endure guys and girl, most importantly, have fun!!

Visions

Its been a long time since I last blogged, so here's what went through my mind for quite awhile. It comes down to times where everyone asks you, "Tune in to God Channel and hear your calling!" after that, if what he's showing you and what the people around you are doing are quite different. It starts to get weird. Its like that feeling you get when you see everyone going to school in the morning and that's what you should do in reality but you're asked to stay home and complete something, that feeling.

To be more explicit, I wanted to see where I'm headed spiritually, apparently that's what I've been asking for for quite awhile. Here's where it gets weird, instead of evangelism, counselling or something more hard wired and certain, I get a vision of a stage, yes, a stage. with lots of people and it seemed like a concert going on or something, but there's really alot of people. I didn't want to blog about this at all earlier on because I wanted to be sure, and it continued and continued. I really want to figure out what this means..

My Future Guitar

Ok.. Enough bout all this, makes my head spin even more.. Hmm, Lastly, I'd like to say, I WANT MY FIRST GUITAR TO BE AN EPIPHONE FIREBIRD VII!! lol..

2009-03-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

To be scarred is to be human, to be removed of scars is to be synthetic. Sometimes, you could have just said what you really meant to me. I would have been grateful, ah what the hell. Screw You.

2009-03-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'm annoyed at certain things today.

Might be small now, but if it continues, an explosion may be heard. Don't mind if I disappear.

2009-03-08T04:08:00.002+08:00

Here to blog on the progress so far.. So here goes!

The Band

In a short span of only 1 week, it all started with a simple reminder from Max, "Hey Laurel when you're free, start the band!"

Just this sentence alone brought me back to one of my goals to achieve in life, to start that band which has been a nagging dream to complete on my list. Through all the excitement, I started to think and vision how it'll all turn out. Usually when it comes to music and bands, I would have no problem seeing and knowing the possibilities, but when it came to starting out my own, it was movie style horror.

All and everything I tried to vision hit walls, doubts and worse of all, the all-famous pessimistic cum confidence breakdown. There was always the nagging questions, "Are we too common?" "Is it going to work?" "How can I bring this band into the marketplace?" "Am I suited for this?"

Even basic band construction requirements hit a standstill, "What genre can we play?" "The gender of our vocalist will be?" "How can each contribute?" "Will the band chemistry work out?"

All questions and more questions, doubts and even more doubts, why do I doubt myself? If you look at my musical background, you'd understand why! I only used to be "the fan" not "the band", with my enormous love for music it all seems so messy and most important of all, I've only started playing the guitar for 8 months, recorded amateur covers of songs so I wouldn't call myself a talent. In addition to all this I'm very vulnerable to stage fright although I have performed in front of an audience before. Worse still, I'm beginning to doubt myself having the ability to lead.

Of course I didn't sit and wait for problems to disappear, with all these questions and doubts in mind, I turned to the internet for answers and maybe an inspiration to get going. Yes, there were motivations found, local band "A Vacant Affair" and "Vertical Rush" provided words of advice where you've to fight for what you believe in and to live the dream by stop dreaming. Charming ain't it? Yet, I still fight to put aside demoralising comments being put onto the internet on local music scene forums portraying Singapore's music scene as being small or insignificant at all, and hard to stand out!

Conclusion: I'm going to fight these fears, fight these doubts and by the grace of God our father we will break through and break out hot into the local scene and even take it international, no matter how long it takes. With the duo of brothers so close to me, in addition with new found players, I'll need your help guys and girl (If you still want in), to fight away the doubts with me and to chase the dream yea? Love yall for this.

Now that I'm feeling better, I'd like to present to you for the very 1st on my blog, the tentative members of the Band, currently our band shall be called, "The Uniques"

The Uniques

Max - Drums
Vincent - Bassist
Laurel - Rhythm Guitarist
Gerald - Lead Guitarist
Cyra - Vocalist

*The members are still yet to be confirmed as the band starts to gel and play to the strengths, there might be changes.

Once confirmed, what follows will be jamming sessions, songwriting sessions, the creation of web profiles (MySpace, Facebook, Noise Singapore, etc.) and the style of the band.

Adding on to this, I've a vision, not of the band's future, but the future of the peope in the band, lives will change, dreams will be realised, character will be created and a Name will be born. All this fits my main purpose, to bring dreams to reality. Like the famous Jack Black has said and will never be forgotten, "TOGETHER WE SHALL ROCK!"

Till then, take care and God Bless!

Isaiah

2009-03-06T07:14:00.001+08:00

Lost and Insecure, Lying on the floor, where were you? Addiction got the better of you.

2009-03-02T21:31:00.001+08:00

To define between the male wants and needs, and the definition of the male temptations. Why not enjoy life and the world? Shun temptations. Shun false pretenses. Best of all, improve discernment!

2009-03-02T20:49:00.002+08:00

& I said to myself today, Its ok. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I'm a tough guy with a great path ahead of him. Why bother with sidetracks along the way who only annoy you.

Manhood and Christlikeness are synonymous!

123 Yesh!

2009-03-02T20:42:00.001+08:00

Ok Peeps, you all can find me on twitter as well! as facebook!

www.twitter.com/headphonesguy

2009-03-02T06:27:00.008+08:00

Hi all!!!! Finally I've gotten time to blog!!! For all those who still don't know, I have unofficially graduated!!! YAY! lol. With all my exams over, I now can focus on things I really want to do and stuff to settle.

Apparently, they are in order of my past post.

1. Improve guitar skills.
2. Start the Band.
3. Read up and rise up!
4. Gain back fitness.

Lots to do, little time to blog, will keep this blog posted with the progress of the above, read on yo!

Untitled

Now I know where the so-called "Idea" and "Thought" came from, and how words of a promise faded. How important that is was never cared for ignorance ruled over denial. Long has passed since the wait was over, and yet addicted to the present you refuse to acknowledge. Weakness is no excuse. So simple is the choice, but tempting is the drug. Hung by a thread are the feelings. Now you hear me, now you don't. What you said, is what never happened. How can this be your Will Lord when there seems no end in sight?

2009-02-19T03:41:00.002+08:00

Got this off Liwei's Blog, Wanted to try!

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
You'll always be my best friend - Relient K
Er... Duh..

2) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Capture Me - Jeremy Camp
K I feel I really need His presence today..

3) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Hallelujah - Tenth Avenue North
Maybe to praise His Name for all of eternity?

4) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Belief - John Mayer
Yea.. Belief that I can do more.

5) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Come Right Out and Say it - Relient K
One word says it all, "Expressive"

6) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Love Don't Let Me Go - David Guetta
Oh Man.. This can't be right..

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Second Heartbeat - Avenged Sevenfold
Lol, I wonder is he really like this.

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Somewhere Out There - Our Lady Piece
The Best answer.. Hees..

9) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Falling Away with you - Muse
Fallen & Falling.. Splat!

10) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Waiting on the world to change - John Mayer
Save the world?

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Never Say Never - Armin Van Buuren
Nothing? haha, Thats why its trance, only 2 sentences. Maybe I'll go blank.

12) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Kid Vicious - Ferry Corsten
OOOOO... Explains alot.. haha Wild Child.

13) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Days Go By - Paul Oakenfold
I'll club ah? hahahahahahha

14) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Natural Disaster - Plain White T's
Hmm.. Happening Song and quite sad too.. LOL.. Loveless till death.

15) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Love Song - Sarah Bareilles
No, I do not write Love Songs or Sing Love songs for my hobby. Ok maybe I do.

16) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Oxygen - Colbie Coillat
Yup they are my oxygen to live.

17) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Her Voice Resides - Bullet For My Valentine
Insanity due to Heartbreak. LOL. Damn why am I so emo?

18) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Not Now - Blink 182
Good answer, not now. LOL..

19) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Beautiful You - Saving Abel
OI. Why almost all the important question involves a girl and relationships?

20) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Back at Your Door - Maroon 5
How can I laugh at a door?

21) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Can't Have You - Jonas Brothers
Not again!!! Argh.. Stupid itunes!

22) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Undeveloped Story - Anberlin
Still to be known.. LOL.

23) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Lost - Katy Perry
Definitely, I get scared if I'm lost.

24) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Maybe - Secondhand Serenade
What an answer la.. I'm starting to hate my itunes.

25) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Call - Hillsong London
Much better.. LOL.. My calling? haha..

*K ppl, this is crap. haha. mostly annoying, but just crap. Try if bored.

2009-02-15T01:56:00.003+08:00

Service was a blast once again today with the great continuation of the word PS Kong shared with the church! It was even special when a certain topic he shared with us was a topic I had blogged about. When he talked about the 3rd emotional need by Men, "Attractive Spouse" and mentioned it wasn't wrong for Men to admire beauty plus that it wasn't lust. I was practically jumping for JOY in my chair. Approximately a week before I had ranted on my blog for being repeatedly mistaken for having such a nasty habit of lust, I was ranting about how it wasn't wrong for beauty to be admired, admiration does not equal lust or lustful desires but how God made Men to look upon the outward appearance of Women. I'm somehow relieved, as I knew, I'm not doing wrong as long as I'm doing the right things.

BTW, Happy Valentine's Day people!

*Lets Go back to how friends treated friends, I'll still be that listening ear and a brother you've always had. For that wave of emotions have passed, suited are we on an equal terms. Troubled you look in my eyes, I wanna help. Whenever, wherever. Take Care Sister.

Untitled

"Where you're going, sin has no place."

"When afraid, trust in me."

"Trust in me/Have faith"

"Wait, Be patient my Child"

"Where You're meant to go, that path you've been given."

"Look at the big picture, put aside passion and likes."

"Can you handle? / How much can you handle?"

"Great things, Great tasks. Just wait & See"

"Why are you searching for Love? Am I not enough?"

"All you need is me for now."

"Even Better, one that will shine with you."

**This is why I'm happy and scared at the same time. I cannot explain these, this is so not myself.

2009-02-12T00:05:00.002+08:00

Indeed I met the ghost of my past. Followed by the spirit of my future. The ghost was dull, dark and scary. While the spirit was bright, filled with light and happy. Both offered me their hands, many may think its an obvious choice right? Pick the spirit! But wait! The ghost gave off a feeling of safe yet comforting aura, like nothing could go wrong. The spirit was filled with pain, screams and heartache. So which would you pick now? A ghost that had a dark and yet comfortable path or a spirit with happiness with a price?

Everything you do Laurel, study, socialize, work and even in your relationship needs effort! A spirit with success and everything people desire never comes without effort, pain and sweat. This is true in many ways as there is no shortcut to success and the desires of the world.

Gosh I'm talking to myself. LOL.

Anyways, yea, alot of "Oh's" today..

*I'm Sorry.

2009-02-09T01:19:00.005+08:00

Leading a solitary life with Him. Walking beside Him. I prefer that.

Life's priorities = Society Climb. Music Inclination. Spiritual Connection.

*Apparently, the opposite gender's not important. Yawns..

2009-02-08T00:56:00.002+08:00

Aight. Weekly blog stuff.

1st FED UP, than Peace found..

If you all haven figured out, than I must have passed this small test with flying colours. This being I will be leaving poly with a last semester having "P" grade for one module. Which means I'll only get the lowest grade for this module no matter how well I did for the test on Tuesday.

When I received the notice, my world just stopped. Never has this happened to me in my life in studies. I almost broke into tears, like I always do when facing a hard situation. Puss I know. Surprisingly, I didn't. I'm so proud, I finally took it like a man. Faced what I was responsible for, a lived up to the reality. Other than it being a mental demoralisation, I brought it to a level where I could tell My Father all my problems. I gained peace, with the words that came across my mind, "If I never gave up on you, why should you give up on yourself?". There's more to be done, I know, if its your will, I accept. It was after all my fault this happened. Tears did come in the end, it wasn't tears of disappointment, but tears of joy, for that peace He brought to my heart and mind, was unlike any other. I always remember this famous saying, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.", How tough are you to handle things the Lord gives you in life? When faced with situations, do you brood and get miserable over it or do you stand it and face it? To improve is to learn, to fail is to give up learning. At this point, I would have said this 7 months ago, "He wasn't there." Today, I say, "I'll never forsake you, because I love you."

3rd Song

I've finished recording a 3rd cover, Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory. Seems to be my favourite song this week because of the lyrics that are in it.

Relationships

Today, the sermon by PS. Kong was about Marriage and Relationships, What's needed. Alot of thoughts ran through my mind as the sermon went on. Thoughts like, Relationships were so scary.. Gives so much problems..

Just when, I put aside all thoughts about this, it never seems to go away. It sucks yes, but when can people learn loyalty, trust and faith in a loved one are so important. If you're in a relationship, please stay faithful. I know, because relationships last longer this way, its my belief. FYI, I do not change my relationships like running water. My relationships last at least 2 years.

This is going to sound like I'm ranting, the fact is, I am. I'm misunderstood. Can you stop a person from admiring beauty? No. I'm going to say this now, I'm not a player. I may have said I liked alot of girls in the past, that was when I didn't now the difference. Even when I did, I never did tell any of them. Even up to now, I wouldn't say a thing, unless of course if I'm forced to, otherwise, they would never know until I'm very sure. Truth being, I'm a deadbeat when it comes to relationships, all I do, is sit back and observe others, so much that I provide views on what I see, and hear. For the record, I'M NOT A FREAKING GUY WHO GOES ROUND TRYING TO HIT ON ANY GIRL I SEE. I'm a simple guy. It takes 2 stones, to start a spark. 1 Stone makes a noise.

*"Why are you searching for love, as if I'M not enough." - By Your Side, Tenth North Avenue
** Decided on an action plan. Further and further.

2009-02-02T22:28:00.000+08:00

UPCOMING BAND: THRIVING IVORY - Angels on the Moon.

2009-02-01T01:18:00.002+08:00

Why words come out. Why meanings don't. Why some know. Why some don't.

Some can say, I'm like an open book. With words that are font sized 38. Like this. But is there all there is to Laurel? When my mouth opens, what really comes out, is what I want you all to hear. There are things I say that I say can't really be said, but I really want to let people know in the end its all out. In actual fact. There are alot of things, I will not say. There are alot of things I cannot let people know, because my words can cause alot of situations to change, things to happen, events to alter. Hidden pages of the book, like a conspiracy, must not be known.

So think, How well do you know Laurel? Clubber? Player? "Ah boy"? or just a plain old average joe?

*Please bear with my singing, laugh all you want, fact is I can't sing! I accept it and is willing to be ridiculed. LOL. (:

2009-01-31T01:21:00.003+08:00

Aight! I've changed my blog music due to DEMAND by readers. Not so much into trance now that I've more or less cut on my clubbing days. RNB & Hip-hop is still in my blood but I've gone out of the music scene long since and so much has changed, so don't judge me on my music taste, just listen! On my blog now is more or less a top ten list of acoustic guitar music from some known and unknown artists. More soothing and upbeat of listeners. Enjoy yall!

Yet another rev., this time, a sentence! Yay! More and more!

During CG (Amazing how it only happens when spirituality is at its highest!), HE said, "Start with fire, end with fire!" Interpreted by me into, "Start with my best, end with my best!" not literally in flames.. LOL. Ever notice how goals, dreams and visions are always made at the start and end of the year? E.g. January and December? This is because its always best to start a timeline at the beginning and not in the middle, so the progress can be checked. Now that I'm ending my poly years very soon, I take it HE wants me to finish it with style and at my very best, sooooo I'm going to give it my best!!!!!!! Yes there maybe a hiccup here and there but I tell you, I will try. Ok. Let's rephrase that, I must try!

Start with fire? This month marks the 1st of many things, 1st of my transition life from Studies to Physical training! I must warn you, when I embark on this journey, the end results are both frightening and scary, why? 2 Things, a different look, and a different me.

Change is inevitable, for HE loves us so much to see us stay the same. I have changed, I'm certain. No more "Sight-seeing", no more indecisive choices, less partying and lastly, more desire for life! Alot more changes have taken place, only I haven't the words to explain. There's however one last thing I still have not grown away from, I'm still afraid of *****.

*Like a secret admirer, only not so secret. Just trying to understand, learn and know , **** & ******* from afar.

Plans

Soul searching, God knowing, physical building, self-improvement!

Male by Birth, Man by Choice! Yesh!!!!!!

2009-01-26T05:00:00.003+08:00

Fed-up.

These few days, I often feel fed up with myself. With things I ought to be doing or have done. With things I should not do and not done. Not comfortable blogging the details here. Somehow, I'm just fed up with myself.

Untitled.

I cannot open my heart. My heart is like a piece of paper folded origami. A paper heart. That's so fragile and cannot withstand the elements.

Its so fragile I'm scared to get it damaged again. Each time I open it up, it gets burnt.

So afraid.

*My father's the only one that heals and warms my heart, for He knows, I'm fragile.

I hear others who will hear me other than my father? I support when they fall, I hold them when they cry, who will be there for me other than my father? I love HIM from the bottom of my heart.

2009-01-26T04:46:00.002+08:00

Sick & tired of hearing things I don't want to hear.

2009-01-21T02:21:00.002+08:00

A theory of Investment

Have you ever thought, the things created by the almighty, other than the living things that he made good, of our spiritual beings (Ourselves) were made worthy investments? How we appreciate in value, is not in the things we own, but in the things we ourselves invest in. Material things do not make us appreciate in value. How are we valued? We are valued by our faith, character, talents and trust. In fact, I'd like to say, certain things in the material world are created by the devil, in order for us to diminish and decrease in value to the world. For example, just simply buying a pack of cigarettes is investing into the "Devil's Fund", a fund where it causes you to depreciate in value. How? It darkens your life, causing you to be hooked on to a need for life, a need you don't need, a need to sin where you only need our saviour. A good investment would be an investment where it increases value to your life, for He created things which are made good and for the good. Invest in faith, have faith in others, have faith in Him, have faith in yourself. The best part of all, faith is free. Free of charge from the Lord, for He has given us free will. Faith gives you benefits, Cigarettes give you heart disease and what's more, 50 Cents a stick and $11.60 a Pack, which one seems better? Think about it friends, where change and improvement can increase your value in life for yourself and others, why support the devil and sin which will only make you suffer. I don't need to give much examples, you know the details!

*A sudden revelation to write this.

Eargerly Awaits & Earnest Expectation

I wanted to write this one for a long while. Its here now, I was prodded.

When I prayed, I asked all along, for things like a normal life, a good love life, improvement in music and other spiritual and material things. I always got a one word answer, "Wait". Week after week, It was either "Wait" or "Soon". He likes to give me these one word answers, but I never complain and never will do. Why? Because AT LEAST HE ANSWERED!

Than came the talk on eternity, and alot of thoughts about His masterplan for each and everyone of us. (All these can be found in previous posts) I know He has that plan for me, it was only not the time for me to receive these things in life. 2 things why. 1. He wants to know whether I will be able to handle the new tasks/items with utmost responsibility. He wants to be assured I was ready for it all. Because as I learnt throughout my Christian life (6 months), that where new blessings replace old ones, comes new tasks and new responsibilities of a higher and newer level. 2. Second reason why is that I might not be suited for it and needs a change in the path where I'm heading to a path where I'm supposed to be in His plan. It could be the right one has not arrived for me, I'm not suited to learn Music this way, or I need learn new skills to be able to have a normal life, or to change to compliment somthing or someone.

All things I only can be assured my prayers will be answered, even if its not answered, I know that I wasn't meant for that path and He has other plans for me. I can only eagerly await what greatness He has instored for me. Somehow I feel deep inside, I'm destined for something big, I just know it in my Heart, I want to find out soon!!!

After all this, I eargerly await and can earnestly expect the unexpected, for I am in His plans for more things and greatness!! Bless be the Lord!

The Names We were Given!

Last CG, there was talk on the names we were given and our names meant something we were meant to be. If not there isn't any need for a name!

I gave my name some thought, and I soon knew and that it was never coincidence that I was given the names "Laurel" and "Isaiah". The things I could do for myself, for others all lead to the names I was given. Call me crazy, but there is some link between and this could somehow be why I am this way towards others.

"Laurel" - Used to crown champions, kings and rulers during the greek era and used to crown olympic winners. (Fortunately its not just a useless plant.)

This explains, why I'm always a second man to the first, an adviser to the leader and a counsellor to the top. Its because I always advise and provide solutions where there is none. Where there's me, there's success. Sounds cool! LOL.

"Isaiah" - Salvation, by the Lord for the Lord helps me.

I love to listen to people, their problems become mine. I don't know why, but I just love helping others if they run into any kind of situations. Most often or rather if its within my power, I'd just do it not for any return! How true. Even if its just a private talk where you need a listening ear, call on me and I'll hear you out, no matter how difficult. What's more, alot of people, when I've asked why they'd talk to me when there's so many others, they just said that I was approachable and they just felt comfortable talking to me than any others. Not that I'm bragging or anything, I'm not out there to prove anything.

This could be something, finally. (:

Aights, that's all for today, God Bless yall!!!

Male by birth, MAN BY CHOICE!! YESH!!

2009-01-19T16:57:00.002+08:00

This being recorded at 4.59pm. Sickness is driving me mad. In addition to that, I'm very upset with myself for not going to school despite telling myself so many times I'll go. I'm annoyed. I feel like totally hiding myself away from the world again but that'll go against all that I believe.

Cost of 1 MC: $12.

Cost of Cab to School: $17

Cost of being late and going to school: MRT concession & Missing early classes.

Cost of not going to School: Eternal damnation, guilty feeling and annoyance.

I WANT TO GET UP LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING AND GO TO SCHOOL! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-18T00:47:00.003+08:00

Ok, revelation time! LOL.. Don't know why but I always have these coming to me during cell group prayer and service but I only can share it here. Reason being, explanations of there words I receive are not short! Aight, here I go!

P.S. These words are actually slapping me in the face.

"Stop thinking, stop talking, just do it!"

This is the sentence he has given to me. Which only made me realise, He wants me to be bolder, spontaenous and decisive (Which Of Course I definitely Need to be). To stop talking about things I want to do and just do them already. Want to be somebody? Be that somebody! Stop saying, "Oh I wanna be a ......." and in the end not do anything to be that person, or wanting to do something. Our heavenly Father does not give us visions for nothing, do not show us the path for fun and definitely do not give us talents to stay stagnant. What's more important, He does not show or give us the obvious! Our calling can be impossible, might not seem relevant or not worth doing, but have we seen the bigger picture? Like Picasso or a famous artist, a drawing may start with a base, and painted out in colours, but how many artists you know do not make small changes to their paintings and in the end, lands up not like what you have visioned? Relating, we are the finished paintings, a masterpiece, in our current stage, we are just the base drawing. Its in our part to finish the colourings like He has made us to be, that masterpiece that glorifies the artist of our lives, our God. Jesus Christ is our saviour, whom came when there is a smudge or a wrong colour in our lives, to erase the mistakes (Sins). SIMPLE TERMS, We don't know the full masterpiece that's drawn only that its drawn, if Our heavenly Father moves us in one direction, don't fight it, move with it, only then will you see the greatness of his calling. Simply, just do it!!!! Vision, bout it, do it. Hear it, speak it, do it.

"Have you not learnt your lesson?"

This comes as a second revelation for my life. About parental guidance and filial piety. Somehow or rather, these words came as a sudden shock to me but surprisingly true. I have been ignoring my Dad, and have been rebellious. When these words came, all these rebellion and unfaithfullness became familiar. Brought my memories back to where how I treated my late mother, to the very end no matter how much I loved her, I was arrogant to the end. Thoughts of how different it could be if had a different attitude towards my mum. The result, She would have still been alive. Given this thought, I thought about my future and where my place lies. Even though my step mum offered to allow me to stay with her after my house is sold and let her handle the financial matters, I still didn't feel comfortable. & That brings me back to my point, Blood is thicker than water I slapped myself in the face when I say I don't trust my dad. If I didn't trust my dad who would I trust? He's the only closest living blood relative I have!! He's the only person who cared so much to provide me meals when I'm hungry, ask if I'm better when I'm sick and cared if I went to school! How could I have been so blind!!!! It was akeen to saying "I don't trust God with my life!" When all the blessing he gave you, sent his son to die for you, forgave you of every sin, best of all, gave you a life to live!

That's all for today's revelation, my life is quite unstable yes I know, I learn to live each day growing stronger and stronger. See it my way and my saviour's way, You'll know your way!

Male by Birth, Man by Choice!! I've made that Choice! Yes!!

**Special Post

A very Happy Birthday to Tan Jiahui!! Happy sweet 16th girl!! No space to write on your card so I write here. May all your wishes come true and your dreams come alive! A1's for all your subjects are already in your masterpiece, don't overwork yourself girl, rest often and keep that gorgeous face smiling yo! Rise and shine for the Lord, for you'll be the brightest star in many people's lives. Lastly, you're going to be a great leader of your generation, this I foresee. Childlike in personality, Mature in life. God Bless!

Love, Laurel.

2009-01-15T15:24:00.002+08:00

Ultimate Sickness.

Causes: Too much projects, too little vitamins, too little sleep.

Symptom: Running Nose and Sore throat.

Effects: Vomiting, blocked nose, headache and tiredness.

*I hate projects.
**Just when I've finally consistently gone to school, I fall sick. This is dumb.

2009-01-05T00:33:00.004+08:00

To People Who Read My Blog.

PLEASE READ MY BOG WITH A PINCH OF SALT & STOP JUDGING ME DIRECTLY FROM IT.

Those who gain wisdom from it, congrats. Those who read just the parts about my night life and criticise me plus gain a wrong impression of me from it, SCREW YOU! Apparently, I go clubbing on nights that are relevant, for example, Armin Van Buuren coming to Singapore, I do not go clubbing every waking min of my life, I just love Trance! I do not go to church and throw away my morals on the dance floor, nor do I lose it drinking alcohol. APPRECIATE MORALS, DRINK MODERATELY AND LIVE RESPONSIBLY! Judge me one more time, you can gain your satisfaction, but you'll never gain humility for condemning me, ENJOY!

2009-01-05T00:26:00.003+08:00

I'm ready for this, I know it!! Bring on the Thunder!!! LOL. I sound so Jack Black.. OMGosh, Someone said I looked like him! lol. Kungfu Panda!

Ready for more! Grow Isaiah Grow!!!

2009-01-04T23:32:00.002+08:00

Aight Peeps! The News for the next BIG EVENT IS OUT! Europe's No. 1 DJ Armin Van Buuren will be spinning at Zouk, 9th January, Tix are at $35 Bucks! Trance Lovers cannot miss this event at all!! Anybody wants in can give me a buzz or just head down there yall!

*Note, I only go for BIG EVENTS! No guilty feelings there! Let the Music take control!!! Weet!

2009-01-02T23:27:00.003+08:00

I suddenly had the crazy Idea of posting long term goals cause I felt like my short term Goals for this year wasn't enough!

Goals for the Future!

1) Complete Degree and Move on to Completing My Masters.
2) Finish School of Theology with an Advanced Theology Cert.
3) Find a proper job in the Banking Sector, slowly and able to rise up for executive positions with possibility of CEO.
4) Purchase a Studio Apartment of my own.
5) Own my own set of guitars and Studio Equipment.
6) Own a Recording Studio or anything relevant external business. Whichever God wills me to.
7) Finally get Married, This will be not until I'm 27 at least. LOL.

kk, Extended List Next year!!

Have a great start to the New year yall!!

2009-01-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

I'm so happy, I don't know whether to jump for joy or to scream my lungs out!! LOL. For the 1st time I felt so many things are now possible, its whether you're willing to work or believe in it! Praise the Lord! Confidence up 90%! YAY! If you all are wondering what's this all about, its about my test results!!! So far, 2 Bs and proudly, MY FIRST A!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHA. So happy that I got an A!!! Wee!! I was like trying to pinch myself to test whether I was awake! LOL.. KK. enough bragging. LOL.

2009-01-01T19:37:00.002+08:00

To be a man is to be: Decisive, Have Initiative, A pillar of strength, Caring, Love God with all his heart, giving person, sociable and brave.

Addition to Goals.

Other half comes second, sorry.

2009-01-01T18:52:00.002+08:00

New Year 2009, Old Year 2008.

As the new year begins this January 1st 2009, time for new beginnings and visions, dedications to the old and future friendships for the new, goals to look forward and work toward, growth to achieve and expectations to meet. Stressful yet fulfilling.

"As a man, never can it be said life always starts at the end of the year. Because life continues and yet a cycle goes on. Break Free.". - Isaiah Laurel, Lessons Learnt 2008.

Note to self: Never let your personal life intertwine with people close to you. Not all things in life revolve around relationships, but around the relationships you build for yourself.

Time to take things more seriously if I want things to happen for me. New plan to set as I look forward for new happenings.

Goals

- Finish Poly with Better Grades than the previous Semester.
- Finally find my place in society, CG and Church.
- Rise up somewhere.
- Be a "Yes" Man not to all things but things that are important and right.
- Maintain a Balanced lifestyle.
- Improve Musically both in spirit and skill
- Find my talent.
- NUS!
- Join or Create a Band of my own.
- Spend Less. Bless more.
- Try extreme sports!

Plan for 2009

1) Finish Poly, apply for Uni regardless of what results I get, for God is a God of Miracles.
2) Enter NS, hopefully into a Vocation I like, PILOT! NAVY OFFICER!
3) Embark on a new personal life, free of distractions (Ahem)/ Keep my mind of things, I just wanna live my life now to the fullest!
4) Travel, Save up for trips.
5) Bungee Jumping, Parachuting!
6) Buy that guitar I've been eyeing, seriously.
7) Lastly, A hope to be somebody!

Plan for 2009 is rather short because of the many restrictions due to NS life, I want to make the best out of it all!

*Last point for the entry, God is love, that's 1st of all. Going on to maximizing potential is 1st priority. There will be likes, distractions, but none will surface enough to break my faith. I've changed.

2009-01-01T18:31:00.001+08:00

And a crazy day comes to an end. Goodbye 2008, hello 2o09!!

2009-01-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

Impact received. Not so bad. Vitals checked, still alive. Needs repairing. Hopes nothing have changed or been broken.

2009-01-01T16:30:00.000+08:00

What I've feared has surfaced. Bracing for impact.

2008-12-31T07:06:00.004+08:00

Crush - David Archuleta

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

*Somethings must be kept inside, only then will truth be known, for confidence is not a strength of mine, vulnerability is a weakness I cannot control. For what is love I ask thou? Love for God comes 1st that is already done. What is this feeling? This will never be told. For you shall never know.

2008-12-28T05:02:00.001+08:00

As the year ends. The Guy You never Knew, will remain. That's just the tip of the ice berg.

2008-12-20T01:12:00.002+08:00

This post will be a word of Wisdom after so long an absence. Get Ready.

Your Problems

I know I've blogged about this in relation to why I joined church. It seems, no one can get the message, this time lets get down to business.

Surprisingly, I've got this message from a new song by the Fall Out Boys. This sentence was part of their chorus "You can only Blame your problems on the world for so long before it all becomes the same old song." Just this sentence alone outlines the many problems you will face or are facing or have faced. How long can you blame your problems on the world, your friend, God or your family? In the end, after you've passed the stage, look back and see, don't you find it all familiar? Face a problem, get angry scold people, get sad cry on your own. Why not look ahead and solve that problem. Look at the bigger picture? What I'm saying is, your problems ARE part of your life, there's no detour, no pit stop, no shortcut. You can go right through it, change the beat of the song, bring up the tempo, change the atmosphere! Otherwise, be my guest and stay on the same beat, you'll find that the problem you're going through takes a longer time to end, gets boring, once it gets boring, you'll start thinking, "Hey, When is this going to end?", you'll start to get EMOtional.

My answer to this? Stop blaming, start solving! Have a relationship problem? Stop sulking, get moving on! Have family problems? Who doesn't? Talk it out, get a solution, open your heart out, be true to your loved one and don't stop being true until you've reached an agreement. Friend problem? If the person is a true friend, stop killing the relationship and talk it out other than hurling insults at each other! If the person is just a friend that's not worth saving, why not go out and do stuff with people you are happier with other than secretly scolding that person or bearing a grudge? Think, does the person even get affected by you?

Best of all, learn how to change and improve! Without constant change and improvement, plus the continuous adaptation to the surrounding people you'll never learn to get along, or get people to like you or like people.

I was like this I can say, I've been through a load of crap before realising it and in the end land up laughing at myself. This path of goodness can never be achieved without the help of God, the church and my close friends!

This Christmas

Now on a lighter Note! Gift exchange has just ended and apparantly everyone went home happy! No matter how small, how your gift looks like, the real gift is the gift of giving. To bring that smile on a person's face cannot be priced.

*Special Thanks to Liwei for making my thought comes alive! I needed a New shirt and Chain!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!

**YanZhi! Hope you like your gift! Nothing much but just enjoy yea?

***Jia Hui, Yours coming. Wait.. LOL.

****Other, thanks for being part of my life!! Love you all lots lots!!!

Its always a special way to end the year, end the year with smiles, even in the face of adversities, problems and hardships! For this year, I end with a smile and tears of joy.

Giving makes me happy.

2008-12-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

Untitled.

A vision, But my voice cannot be heard. Is this what I prayed for?

2008-12-15T02:11:00.003+08:00

Zouk Out 08!

Hey Peeps!! I'm back from the ever-so-long-awaited event! A word to describe it? "Extraordinary!" Went with the starbucks peeps from my store to the event, and it eventually turned out to be a blast! Friendships were forged, bonded and made. All in all, adding the phenomenal music from the Famous DJs, I'd say if I had a chance, I'll come back to Zouk Out 09!

I kept my word to myself, where if I went to these kind of places, it would only be me, myself and the Music. In the end, I enjoyed myself without being put into situations! It was also nice to see familiar faces around as well. LOL. Apparently, met Johnny there, and he was like "Hey! How come only you and two girls?!" I was like, er, they're my friend's friends! Really, I cross my heart to say that I was only dancing on my own while my friends were having fun around me. LOL.

I seriously cannot and will not feel right if I did anything else so I was keeping my hands to myself, after all music conquered my mind, other than the alcohol! (:

Untitled

Although it felt kinda sucky not to have a love on my own to enjoy the brilliance of the music there, and to see all the others having their other halves, I see myself having someone whom will appreciate the music too. I know my boundries and respect for others. To others, they might think I go for these type of things for the girls and its normal for me. To me seriously, Its not normal for me. I go for the music and don't feel comfortable if the person I lay my hands on is not my love. I am indeed a person who knows what's wrong from right even though I break a few rules. Socialise: Yes, Take advantage: NO.

Send me a vision oh lord.

This Christmas.

A friend once told me, "What Goes Around, Comes Around." Church has taught me about the cycles in life.

This Christmas, I pray for love, hope and happiness. These are the 3 greatest gifts anyone can ever receive (That's other than receiving the love from God.). Love in the sense that I'd find someone, I've received that vision, somehow and surprisingly, blurred. LOL. Rendering me confused. The cycle effect in this, is the way how my relationships just come and go. It all happens and ends with the same results. As the cycle has already ended, I'm waiting, like what my friend said, "The Comes Around." This time, I will change the cycle, that it will never end up repeating itself. I will never hurt that special someone, over my dead body she will cry. Change can be efffected! *I'm Just waiting for the sign. I know that special someone. This Christmas, All I want is you.

I pray for hope, this not only for myself, this for all my close friends and people whome I've crossed paths. The road to eternity is never smooth, trials and tribulations lay along the way, but never lose hope friends, for each and every trial and tribulation is set to make you stronger! Unlike the cycle of history, hope happens to grow stronger, making problems encountered in future stronger! But the light in you will never go out as long as you believe the Lord is with you. Faith and the Word of the Lord is your strongest Armoury. I foresee healing, breakthroughs and salvation. For myself, I foresee peace and prosperity in the family, for a time of hardship is almost over! A future as bright as the north star with the next step in NUS!! (:

I pray also for Happiness, as its the season for Joy and Giving, give not only to one, but to many. For God loves a cheerful giver! Seriously, when was the last time you gave for charity? When was the last time you gave to someone out of spontaenousity? To be able to bring smiles to others, is God's greatest gift to you. Whether you believe in God or believe in a different religion, the spirit of Giving in imbued in you, when you give, you make people smile, whats more, you make yourself smile! So give a gift with love and a smile to someone today, make their day.

P.S. I don't want Tissue Paper or Toilet Roll for Christmas ah!!!!!!!!!!!!

The cycle is almost over, I can feel it. During prayer, praying in Tongues speaks your hearts true desires and feelings. I saw fields of green and a rising sun. I will be lifted into honour, glory and love will be found. Thanks and Praise be to the Lord most High, Hallelujah!

Candle Light and Christmas Drama

Dear Friends!!! You're invited to my church's event once again! There will be candle light event on the 20th and 21st of December. Come experience a once a year special event that will captivate the very hearts of many.

On the 24th and the 25th of December, in the early afternoon there will be a Drama production by my church's Drama ministry! Ever wanted to watch a Christmas production at Esplanade but never had the cash or the time to do so? Take the chance this Christmas to watch this fantabulous show! After the show, I'll party with you all!! (:

SO don't wait!! IF any of you guys and girls are interested tagg me or give me a buzz on my phone yea? Hope to enjoy the Christmas Miracle and the spirit of Christmas with you all!!

2008-12-12T16:55:00.002+08:00

Zoukout 08!!!

Its here!!!!!!! Its going to be tonight and tomorrow night, the best of trance and mixes will be down at Zouk tonight from 8pm onwards for a Pre-ZoukOut and 6pm Onwards at Sentosa for the Main Event Hope to see some peeps there yo!!

OMG SO EXCITED!!

*If our eyes would meet and hearts could intertwine would you take me away?

2008-12-10T02:02:00.003+08:00

Me.

I'm just uber sensitive can? I don't fucking care what you think! If I feel you're angry at me, I'd prefer to settle it than let it leave a scar or a further misunderstanding.

No its not ok to leave it for a while and it'll be ok.

I'm like that.

If I feel like I don't matter to you, I don't matter at all. I'd rather get on with my own life than care with what you think your thoughts matter to me. In the 1st place, if I did matter at all, this wouldn't happen.

Untitled.

I know I shouldn't bother.

Please keep your promise as I've kept mine.

2008-12-09T05:36:00.002+08:00

Apparently, I've been asked out by many and can't accommodate all. Please book with me at least 3 days in advance.

My Schedule for this Week!

Tuesday

4pm to 1am: Work

Wednesday

4pm to 1 am: Work

Thursday

4pm to 1am: Work

Friday

6pm to 9.30pm: CG Meeting
10pm to 3am: Pre-ZoukOut Party

Saturday

2pm to 3.30pm: BS (Subject to Confirmation)
5.15pm to 8.30pm: Church Service
9pm to 8 am: ZoukOut

Sunday

7pm to .. : Dinner (Subject to Confirmation)

2008-12-09T02:08:00.002+08:00

Trance

I've Uploaded a new list of trance tracks on my Imeem. These are tracks I deem so far on my top list of trance that cannot be missed!! Trance fans, do take a listen, Non-fans, Just listen, it might change your mind bout why trance is so magical! Did I mention how much I love trance??!

My blog Title

I've been asked numerous times why my blog is named, "The Guy You Never Knew". Ok, Here's the reason I've repeated over many many times, its because you can never ever ever know me fully. I've a split personality that only shows glimpses to people I wanna show. In other words, different people know me differently, nobody can fathom the depths of my true one self, because I don't have one!!

My dad.

Ok, time to stop hiding, I'm not really on good terms with my dad nowadays, I pray and hope it goes better, it seems that both of us are trying so hard to get along, in the end, we have different mindsets about how we should go bout it..

Love

HAS DEFINITELY NOT BEEN EASY TO UNDERSTAND. Not bout God's Love, but my love. Confusing.. LOL.

Personal Goals.

My personal Goals have changed, apparantly I've thought through it thoroughly and this is the decision. After much deliberation, and advices from close ones, I will strive to enter NUS or NTU no matter how much the odds are against me.

So, I'm visioning myself studying Finance & Economics, I'm already in NUS!!! :)

Countdown to ZoukOut 08!

5 days!

2008-11-28T04:23:00.002+08:00

Some of you might be wondering, why I'm up at this hour writing a post. Others won't be surprised at why I'm still up at all!

I'm just up, browsing friendster, facebook and listening to 98.7 FM. I realised, how much life has passed me by these 8 months and I begin to realise that everyone has moved on, and I'm left behind. This isn't me complaining bout a failing love life. Its just a feeling of nostagia I get. Statuses change, photos change, people change, and I just can't help feeling I've missed it all.

I used to be in everywhere, a whole load of friends (Not that I'm saying that I don't have any now), chatty, loved people, loved my life. Suddenly it all felt so long ago.

Things hit when you realise it on your own. Advices often ignored when told. Experiences teach alot in many different ways. Move on with time I was told again and again. Only recently have I discovered, I'm still stagnant. Finding my own way once again just seems hard enough, but I know its never hard and its never too late. When I wonder, will I regain my glory....

Looking at all the smiling faces, I miss them. Read past testimonials and comments, wondered where I've been..

I want to walk that path again into the rainbow, where everyday is another fun and exciting day. I don't want to walk the lonely path into nothingness.

I know what I must do. Hopefully, things will change. This is not me. I know it.

P.s. I know there's alot of "I". For change begins with myself.

2008-11-24T00:54:00.000+08:00

If even God is on your side. Why should all else matter? Patience is a virtue.

2008-11-23T18:43:00.000+08:00

Stole my heart, now left on the shelf, collecting dust.

2008-11-22T02:50:00.001+08:00

Someone please slap me. I still want God in my life. But I want out.

Something's hurting me, Stop strangling me!! I cannot breathe!!

2008-11-22T02:45:00.000+08:00

This might be stupid and I might need someone to slap me.But I felt I still want to worship and praise God. But I want out.

Somehow, its hurting. Stop Strangling me.

2008-11-22T02:19:00.002+08:00

To be or not to be.

Funny how things work. One day, I can feel like I'm up for anything, the next, I feel like I should just let things flow in slowly.

One day, I can have visions, not of a increased connect group or a campus wide revival, but a vision to preach to the masses. The next, I just wanna live my life the way I want it, successful, full of friends and a great, glamorous career.

Wierd. Which one God?

Distant.

I'm feeling more distant from them, its like everything has changed, my status has changed. Its so different from day one. How I wish, it could all go back. I want to just be my normal, Silent self.

I think I pissed someone off today, Sorry for the misunderstanding yea? Please forgive me.

I've become more upright ever since my baptism. Its strange.

Forgiveness and Decisiveness.

I've decided I should just forgive and apologise.

I'd like to forgive and say sorry to: Chanel, Sorry for not trusting you and forgiving you for being away for so long. Brother Vincent, Sorry For lying to you and forgiving for things I cannot explain. Sister Jia Hui, sorry for pissing you off and forgiving for thing I also cannot explain. Nicholas, Sorry for not being there and forgiving your insults. CJ, Sorry for ignoring you and forgiving you for your nature. Liwei, sorry for the disappointments.

That's bout it, I'll write somemore on when I think of it.

2008-11-19T02:12:00.002+08:00

My heart.

I try very hard to put everyone in my heart. To help anyone and everyone that comes to me. For my hand shines a comfort.

Yet, there are those who took it and took for granted. Are my words and what I say not enough to suffice? Is your heart so bold and your ears so clogged that you do not understand why?

I never forced you to quit smoking. I just advised you to cut down. I wanted you to have confidence and a positive thinking, you agreed and yet. Till today, you should how F'ed up you wanted your own life to be. Tell you something, God didn't give you an F'ed up life, He only made you stronger. Go ahead, stay stagnant and be childish.

I listened, I prayed and I hoped. You'd mature up, I never needed you to change overnight, I just wanted at least abit of respect for who I and the rest believe in.

The day, you thanked him for giving you an F'ed up life. Is the day you lost favour from my heart. Nice one.

Tell you something k? I'm no freaking different from you in terms of what you've done. What's more, I'm guessing you're much better off than me, having a family at least who cares and no financial problems. ALL I HAVE IS 4 FUCKING WALLS AND YOU'RE LIKE THAT! Sheesh~

Now I only hope someone can help you find your way. I'm leaving the door open. But my heart will never open to people like you, for my heart only opens to those that it finds worthy and not abusive.

You know who you are. I don't need to announce. (This is not a girl, so don't think otherwise.)

This is all I've to say.

2008-11-18T05:59:00.003+08:00

Untitled.

Somehow, do you feel what I feel? Fights we had, hugs we shared, tears we've cried. It still felt as if it were yesterday we've separated. Yet, its hard to bury the hatchet. Time has stood still for our love. Like an old oak tree waiting for the sun to rise again, to bear fruits under the great shine.

Do you feel what I feel? If its you, tell me, and I shall know what's to be done.

MSN Nick's & Blog Posts.

Apparently, my recent MSN nicknames & Blog posts have been misread and misinterpreted by people.

Which I would like to say, Come on, when ever is my MSN nick not from a Song? All my MSN nicks are from songs, songs that have given me inspiration. E.g, "I kissed a girl, I liked it. It felt so wrong, I felt so right." Is from a song by Kate Perry.

The way I type my blogs are filled with metaphors and conception based on my own inspirations and words. Please read properly! Don't get the facts right. As I've said, I'm a hard person to judge, judging me directly from my blog can be one the hardest ways. If you wanna know me, talk to me. Like duh.

2008-11-16T02:15:00.002+08:00

Baptism.

Had water baptism today!! Officially, I'm a Christian, with a new name, Isaiah!!! I'm so proud of finally making the step forward and putting my life into God's hands once again.

Thanks guys for the congrats and gift!! Love you all to bits!!

New Direction.

After getting reborn, weights of pain, misery and sorrow which plague my life had been lifted off and I feel uber free!!! When I stepped into expo, into the presence of God, I knew, I'm meant for greater things now! Together with God, all that he wills will be done! What's more, all that has been my past, are now rubbish and are thrown away, although images fill my mind of what I used to do, they seem foolish now. Praise the Lord!

Untitled.

For 8 months, I've waited. Like a cocoon. Changing, transforming. For just one sentence, that one sentence. I don't need you to say 4 words that are thrown around so often, I don't need you to reassure me. I didn't need you to care and talk to me every day.

But, all it took. Was the sentence in its opposite that you said to me.

Ok. I can't be trusted. & never will be. I love what I do, as long as I know I'm doing the right things.

Brings me back to my passion. No one understands my Love for music, No one.

Every Club session, Is a concert to me. Never will you understand. How much I want to share that passion with you.

2008-11-14T05:58:00.001+08:00

I don't want to get too close
I don't want to get too close
You see this isn't where my head is
If you knew me I'm not like this
But I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway

I believe you're very fine
Still I haven't got the time
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway

And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love

I don't mean to be so strange
But my life just took a change
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway

And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love

So before this goes too far
Let me tell you what you are
You're amazing, I'm attracted
But I'm terribly distracted
And I'm trying to be verbal
And I'm back into this circle
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway

Even if you want me to stay here
(Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you)
I'm tellin you right now i can leave
(Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you)
Before i get to changing my mind here
(Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you anyway...)
I hope you understand what I mean
I hope you understand what I mean
I hope you understand what I mean....

2008-11-14T05:56:00.001+08:00

2008-11-14T00:40:00.003+08:00

The feel.

When it comes to music, I have 2 worlds which I get immersed in.

To Trance, I see the stars and space where there are endless possibilities. The beat never fails to make a complicated set of moves.

Inspired by Armin and Ferry.

To Rock and Blues, I see emotions and colours when I close my eyes.

Nothing gets me more excited than being able to immerse myself in the passion, vibe and colours of music. Nothing gets me more high than being able to converse with my emotions. Which at the moment, only music and God can do. Praise the Lord for the gift of Expressive Communication.

No one will feel the way I feel about music. When that person comes along. I'll know, because its so obvious.

Zouk Out!

I cannot wait for Zouk Out! 13th Dec, tickets purchased. It will be my 1st time, music, rock and Dance all in one. If you know me well enough, you'll know why I'm so excited. Its the beats. Nothing can drive away this feeling of ecstasy. Added on, I'll be partying with my beloved Starbucks People! With a chalet on the list of plans and a pre-zouk out party, nothing can beat this on my No. 1 list of after exam/tests let loose partying!

Water Baptism.

With the date of my Water Baptism on the way, I feel the excitedness, anticipation of something great to happen. Its like the day where you're getting married! I'm so nervous, yet so happy to finally be able to start a genuine relationship with God. Count me my 1st love, for there are endless dreams I've yet to fulfill for you. Breathe into me life full of strength to serve you!

Rumours.

Whatever that will be, will be if the lord highest offers and grants it to me. I won't be saying I will be, or I won't, for HE has it all ready for me. For protection and guidance comes for the Lord most high!

I'm moving on.

2008-11-11T02:39:00.000+08:00

Oh, and yes, I'm going to Zouk Out!! WEE!! Can't wait!

2008-11-11T02:12:00.003+08:00

The Lord Jesus's Ways.

I truly had a breakthrough. Finally, after talking to so many people over the few days. The most powerful words came from my brother, Vincent.

Although short, it shown light on what I should really be doing. Sorry I took too long.

Today, with all mixed emotions, I finally concluded thinking and having the same problem. Not going to blog this here, as it will show alot of my childish ways. But who care's its personal, and I just want to say, everything has been cleared, I'm childish so what. The path ahead is free. I can finally move on.

The greatest thing you can do in life, is never hold what you truly feel inside, nor twist it in such a way the other person will get mistaken. Just say what you wanna say. I did, and it cleared everything. Now, a friendship is saved, life is clearer.

The whole time, I prayed for a true love. What is love I was told. Struck, I didn't know. I was impulsive when it meant nothing much, this showed, I needed to grow up, and I did. Instead of keeping it inside and letting people how couldn't do much bout it know just to let out my emotions. It felt better when I just came forth with everything. All at once, it boiled down, I must love myself 1st, therefore loving God, and finally I can be loved. Therefore, I love God and Jesus, My 1st love truly. The only ones I can never get hurt from, but get showered with blessings.

A relationship is based truly on trust and love. Love is mystical, while trust is in the eyes of the other half.

Trust..

I can truly say, trust has its reasons. To lie, has its reasons. When there is nothing to hide, why lie? When you don't want to hurt anyone, you lie.

I believe, as long as the lie does good. Nothing can break your faith. Absolutely Nothing.

Trust base on the person's character, not based on what the person has lied to you about.

Relationships..

All I've got to say, be faithful. For being faithful, says much more than anything else that can break down a pair.

I've loved.

My nights out..

I will not stop clubbing, but I will club with respect for the other. I will not stop drinking, because I know my limits. These respect and limits have kept me out of trouble for so long, how blind I was to ignore these for once. Now that I've been hit once, I will never be hit again.

Never will I ever enter a relationship that has never blossomed as friends, what hurts the most, is when a relationship boils down to the issue of moral righteousness and trust. What is right, and what is wrong.

Future.

I love my personality, I love my nightlife. Never will I ever find someone who cannot take these in, because I will not be happy. Decent or not, Both must be happy.

Word of the day.

Speak and it shall be done, Don't speak, nothing moves, nothing gives, nothing gain, nothing loss. Its better to have tried than not have tried ever. (:

Take care yall. Hope you learned something from me.

2008-11-09T03:19:00.000+08:00

Its over.

2008-11-09T02:25:00.002+08:00

Just to clear up misunderstandings. We did not do anything indecent. We're only friends. Just danced. That's all. This is just a rush of emotions thats all. Nothing developed.

2008-11-09T01:08:00.003+08:00

Uncovering.

I want to type this here, because I cannot stand the building up of emotions in me. When emotions build up, I tend to go crazy displaying all the emotions at once in front of people, this was noticed by CJ who actually told me!

I've a confession to make. I did tell my cg peeps that I'd not be going out to drink/club on Friday night, that I decided to say No, for once. Right after the talk about my past relationship at Long John Silvers. I felt there was truth in what was said. It will not feel the same even if I did make it through the few months left. After all, I was not cared for anymore. I did not make a difference whether I was around or not to her.

So feeling that truth sinking in, I felt a rush of sadness. I made a decision to go to Zouk with my Starbucks Peeps to let loose.

At Zouk, I thought only the few that turned up, 5 guys and 1 girl were all there is to club with. In the end, she turned up. If anyone knew at all, I usually dance and let loose, eyes closed, feeling the music, on my own. The best part, I wasn't even high, I drank like 2 jugs of Cranberry Vodka (If you put all the jugs together), 2 cups of Fruit Juice with Vodka, Half a Jug of Redbull Vodka, half a cup of Bourbon Coke. There's no excuse for not feeling any hit for 5 hours. Ok, back to the story, I was off in my own world, feeling the music when my friends asked me to dance with the girls, I was abit reluctant at 1st but gave in. To fast forward abit, in the end, I landed up dancing with a girl I did take notice of when I met her at our store. Shall skip the unspeakables. Anyway, stuff happened, please remember I am not drunk and so was she. I haven't felt this strange feeling deep inside my heart for a long while. The rest, I'll only tell those I'm closest to :P After last night, I'm still confused, troubled and lost.

To Vincent: I'm disappointing you, I know. I said I wouldn't go, I did. I said I would stay away, I didn't. That's why I decided to talk to Jia Hui 1st, and type what happened here. This is like the 20 or so times I talk to you bout just this one problem. Relationship problems have plague my life so far, and yes, I agree with you if I do not have a breakthrough, I would not move on in life. I would not disagree to the fact that a relationship does pull me down and slows going on with time for life. Your advices do not go through a deaf ear on me. Here's why.

I'm not saying God's love is not enough for me. I'm not saying my friend's love is not big enough (I love you guys to bits). The reason why a relationship is so important to me, is that I would have someone to relate to, someone really close that I could have fun, cry, laugh, hold on to, tell secrets, go places, most importantly, move on with life together. Sounds like I wanna get married right? The thing is I am ambitious, I've dreams, but a relationship can take these further to share the joy with. At the moment, I am alone, I live alone, I cry alone, I scream alone, I dance alone. Not that my friends don't matter, they won't be there when I really need someone to love. Note: I have a love as huge as the universe, this is to those that try and find out who I really am. I'm saying this because I not deprived of love, I've too much in me that I want to give to only one person. At the rate I'm going at loving everyone the same, I'm soon going to find myself defeating the purpose of having to love at all!

All at the same time, I'm scared of it all happening again. There are more issues, but this is the biggest.

Hope you understand. I'm sorry Bro, please forgive me.

2008-11-06T02:09:00.001+08:00

Got This off a friend's Blog. Don't know if its true or not. Seems possible, (:

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2008-11-04T01:58:00.002+08:00

Hmm, This is off Siyun's Blog..

1.The 1st person who tag/pass you is?
Can't remember, Siyun?

2. your relationship with him/her?
My BBF! "Best Buddy Forever"

3. Your five impression of him/her?
Er.. Nice, Crazy, Caring, Good-Listening-Ear, Friendly.

4. the most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
-_-", Messaged me to ask how I was? LOL.

5. the most memorable thing he/she had said to you?
-_-" Got alot lei. Mostly Crapping but still memorable!!

6. you got any wish or request to ask from him/her?
WHY MUST BE HER?! Ok la. Stay Close Friends? Nothing much.. (:

7. as a friend, what he/she has to improve on?
I think she's good enough as she is!!

8. if he/she became your enemy, you will?
Don't think will become enemy, but talk things out? Like duh.
I'll be quite sad.

9. if he/she became your enemy, the reason will be?
Don't know? Choice of words probably.

10. the most desired thing you want to do for him/her is?
Eh.. Find her a BF!! Jkn Jkn, Celebrate stuff together with her enough.

11. your overall impression of him/her is?
Gossip Queen!! (I can be Gossip King!) (: Plus plus, Good Friend to talk to.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
Brotherly, Sisterly, Uber Nice Guy.

13. the characters you love of yourself are?
Hmm, Tough question. Not really sure.

14. on the contrary, the character you hate yourself are?
Over-Sensitiveness and Lack of Confidence.

15. the most ideal person you want to be is?
I'd like to be more charismatic!! But I still Love the way I am.

16. for people who care and like you, say something to them.
Thanks Yall!! Hugs Hugs!

17. Pass this quiz to 10 person that you wish to know how they feel about you .
1) Siyun
2) Jia Hui
3) Vincent
4) Max
5) Liwei
6) Liyun
7) Cyra
8) Yan Zhi
9) Wuian
10) Terri

18. Who is no.6(Liyun) having a relationship with?
Currently Single? LOL

19. Is no.9(Wuian) a male or female?
Female.

20.If no. 7(Cyra) and 10(Terri) are together, will it be a good thing?
Uber Wrong! Both are Females!

21. What is no. 2(Jia Hui) studying about?
Currently only Sec 3.

22. When was the last time you had a chat with 3(Vincent)
This afternoon in School!?

23. What kind of music band does no.8(Yan Zhi) like?
Chinese POP? Not really sure.

24. Does no. 1(Siyun) has any siblings?
Yep.

25. Will you woo no.3(Vincent)?
OMGosh! Like no?

26. How about no.7(Cyra)?
Don't Tell YOU!

27. Is no.4(Max) Single?
Yep.

28. What is the surname of no.5(Liwei)?
Tan?

29. What's the hobby of no.10(Terri)?
Singing?

30. Does no. 5(Liwei) and 9(Wuian) get along well?
YES!

31. Where is no.2(Jia Hui) studying at?
Hai Sing Sec

32. Talk something casually about no. 1(Siyun).
"Something Casually bout no. 1(Siyun) :P"

33. Where does no.9(Wuian) live at?
Tampines

34. What colour does no. 4(Max) like?
Good Question, Didn't ask. Blue? Black?

35. Are no.5(Liwei) and no.1(Siyun) best friend?
Er..

36. Does no.1(Siyun) have any pets?
Er.. Don't think she got pets!

37. Is no.7(Cyra) the sexiest person in the world?
So not going to tell you.. (:

38. What is no. 6(Liyun) doing now?
Sleeping ba.

Kao.. These questions are soooo... Long-winded!!

2008-10-29T02:20:00.002+08:00

Just when I was thinking about my love problems, about who else other than God, will love me? Parachute Band's "The Greatest Love" played on my iTunes. It seems that God was with me when I was at my lowest. & HE gave me my now renewed faith. Whatever may come God. I always know, you'll be there, anytime, everywhere. Oh God, you lift me up when I am down, who else but you can I love so greatly. Whatever path you set in front of me, whatever trials and tribulations you send my way. For it is with faith I will cross. As I know, you are holding my hand. Oh God, I love you so much.

(:

2008-10-29T02:00:00.002+08:00

I GIVE UP. I CAN'T MATCH UP. I'M JUST AVERAGE. JUST KILL ME. I don't know if I can hold on to her any longer.

I can't help it. If I just have these doubts I just can't help it. I can't help it if I need constant reassuring. I feel so unsecured. I just wanna put these feelings aside but they just keep coming back. Just that one time I saw her, I had a panic attack so bad, I couldn't breathe, I just hid away behind a pillar. DO you know how stupid it feels? To just hide away?

Now there's eyecandy. I feel I can't hold on to her much longer. She's slowly slipping away. Ever since she reopened her blog, I thought, "Hey, I could get more involved now." But no. Instead I've become more worried. Dumb.

I know its our time off from each other. WHY WON'T THIS HEARTACHE STOP. THANKS AH, IN ADDITION TO MY RANDOM HEADACHES. ARGH. Its alright for us to get to know people, go on with our lives.

I've learnt in my journey with God and Jesus, Believing in things goes for 90% of everything you want. I believe we were special, and that this is just some time off. But the word "were" haunts me now. What will become of our Love, in future and now? What has become of this man of faith and trust?

Sigh.

We'll see in 4 months.

Tears. God, tell me what I can do, teach me how to remove this pain. I still love her. but does she still?

2008-10-27T02:23:00.003+08:00

I CAN CHANGE MY LIFE!! Inspiring song by and inspiring guitarist for an inspired person.

She's a guitarist who never gave up. Started on the streets, ended up sponsored by Fender Japan. Only 21.

Worth Waiting for..

I believe she's worth waiting for. Even though she doesn't talk to me much, but she's still worth it.

2008-10-26T16:27:00.003+08:00

I've nothing to share today. Just a pain in my head. Cannot be taken away by medicine. Pain killers don't help. Panadol can't kill it. Just a song. Me, myself.

2008-10-20T04:25:00.002+08:00

I'm not usually a person who will put photos of girls, but this is a girl guitarist I admire!! *Other than the guy, John Mayer. THIS IS YUI! <3
I've realised that both John Mayer and Yui have similar likings for Strats!! Only difference in a Telecaster. These are the 2 electric guitar dreams. Not in the near future, but a definite first few electric guitar I'm going to buy. Classic Series 50s' Stratocaster & American Series Telecaster. Both in the clolours you see above!! Sunburst & Chrome Red
Lastly, My acoustic dream, much nearer future, don't really know whether its sold in Singapore. The GA-45SCE Fender acoustic. The difference in price between the 3? Not much of a difference, each of the 3 are above $1,000 each. Exact price will depend on the exchange rate. LOL. Funny thing, all three are produced in Japan, so I'll be much cheaper than its American Counterparts.

2008-10-20T01:37:00.002+08:00

ME.

I felt it was time to blog bout, .......... Me.

Somehow, I'm looked at by different people at different angles. I'm sometimes seemed as the all-so-cheerful Laurel, where nothing that hits me can phase me. or, I'm looked at as the happy-go-lucky Laurel, where I'm always smiling, *even though both have almost the same meaning but they are different!*. Others, a confidante, where you can tell all your deepest troubles and emotions, happy or sad, angry or naughty to. To some, a very caring person, that'll go to all lengths to help and show concern. For a few, an emo person who just loves being with himself and his music. Sadly, others view me as a person who is lazy, irresponsible, unconcerned, unreliable and undependable. (This is have gone over, and changed.) or, a person who just drinks his life away. (Don't get me wrong, I just love drinking.)

I'm not typing this out to say that I am not happy with what people think, or I wanna change what people think. Its just that, do you really know me? *Which kind of explains why my blog name is "The Guy You Never Knew". Because, you can never know me fully, or know enough of me. Just try, you just won't be able to. If you know me 100%, what I like, what I do, what I feel at times & what I just don't do. I'll be your next best friend. Because NO ONE can!

The only people that know me around 90% are my ex-es. Apparantly, just knowing that 90% is the reason why I'm single! lols, so beware! *I just realised I killed any chance of getting a Girlfriend with that sentence.

Only one thing that you all need to know and not probe further. I'm not perfect.

P.s I love one and only one girl. You know who you are. Humphs, Eyecandy. !@#@$!#$

In God I trust.

Dear God. You have asked me to trust you again, & I will. Whatever you have set for me, I'll follow. (Don't ask me what I'm asked to put in because I'll cry.) The path laid in front of me, the times where you ask me to wait patiently, and the vision of a good life set before me. I believe, if this is the result of my love for you, my heart is yours, my soul is your tool, use me as you will.

Amen.

2008-10-17T05:32:00.002+08:00

Changing, Saving and impacting lives, ONE person at a time.

I actually got the idea from my Starbucks training. Which was, "Making a Person's Day, One Cup at a time."

Somehow it has inspired me to write about how each and everyone's good and caring actions. Unknowing or knowingly can affect another person's life. You may think that you just did something nice, or just sent a simple SMS, or maybe someone watched you while you helped others, but it has a direct or indirect effect on another person, and that person could see you as the world to them.

One action, one sentence, can impact a life. What may seem as a simple gesture that brings a smile to the face of a person, could be a smile where that person never forgets. So never fail to bring smiles to others. Never fail to ask when someone is down. Never fail to just include that person. Because just one action, can mean the world to that person.

Impact someone's life, today.

"Give"

This is actually something I wanted to blog about ever since the last CG meeting. I don't know why God give me single words to think about, but here goes.

The word "Give":
–verb
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/give)

1.	to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow: to give a birthday present to someone.

2.	to hand to someone: Give me that plate, please.

3.	to place in someone's care: If you give me your coat, I'll put it in the closet.

4.	to grant (permission, opportunity, etc.) to someone: Give me a chance.

5.	to impart or communicate: to give advice; to give a cold to someone.

6.	to set forth or show; present; offer: He gave no reason for his lateness.

7.	to pay or transfer possession to another in exchange for something: They gave five dollars for the picture. He gave me the car for $800.

8.	to furnish, provide, or proffer: to give evidence; Let me give you my umbrella before you go out in this rain.

9.	to provide as an entertainment or social function: to give a New Year's Eve party.

10.	to deal or administer: to give a blow to someone; to give medicine to a patient.

11.	to put forth, emit, or utter; issue: to give a cry; to give a command.

12.	to assign or admit as a basis of calculation or reasoning (usually used passively): These facts being given, the argument makes sense.

13.	to produce, yield, or afford: to give good results; 9 × 8 gives 72; The hen gave six eggs a week.

14.	to make, do, or perform: to give a start; to give a lurch.

15.	to perform or present publicly: to give a play; to give a concert.

16.	to cause; be responsible for (usually fol. by an infinitive): They gave me to understand that you would be there.

17.	to care about something to the value or extent of (something fanciful): I don't give a hoot about his opinion.

18.	to relinquish or sacrifice: to give one's life for a cause.

19.	to convey or transmit: Give Aunt Betty my love.

20.	to assign or allot: Give every man a full ration of biscuits. They gave him the name of “Joseph.”

21.	to bestow (the object of one's choice) upon, as if by providence: Give me the wide open spaces anytime.

22.	to be connected with, as by a telephone operator: Give me 235-7522.

23.	to present to an audience, as an entertainer, speaker, or act: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the governor of Texas.

24.	to attribute or ascribe: to give the devil his due; After long study the critic gave the unsigned work to a minor impressionist.

25.	to cause or occasion: She gives me a pain in the neck.

26.	to apply fully or freely: He gives his free time to golf.

27.	to award by verdict or after consideration: A decision was given for the defendant.

28.	to inflict as a punishment on another; punish by; impose a sentence of: The judge gave him five years.

29.	to pledge, offer as a pledge, or execute and deliver: He gave her his promise. Can you give bond?

30.	to propose as the subject of a toast (fol. by an indirect object): Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our country.

31.	to bear to a man; deliver (fol. by an indirect object): She gave him a beautiful baby boy.

32.	to sire upon a woman; father (fol. by an indirect object): He gave her two children in the first five years of marriage.

33.	to concede or grant, as a point in an argument.

–verb (used without object)

34.	to make a gift or gifts; contribute: to give to the United Way.

35.	to yield somewhat, as to influence or force; compromise: We can't negotiate until each side is willing to give on some points.

36.	to yield somewhat when subjected to weight, force, pressure, etc.: A horsehair mattress doesn't give much.

37.	to collapse; break down; fall apart; fail: The antique chair gave when I sat on it.

38.	to be warm and open in relationships with other persons: a withdrawn person who doesn't know how to give.

39.	Informal. to divulge information: Okay now, give! What happened?

40.	to afford a view or passage; face, open, or lead (usually fol. by on, onto, etc.): The window gives on the sea. This door gives onto the hallway.

Apparently, the word "Give", highlighted in red, portrays some of the many ways how the word can be used. In my mind, this word gave way to my own meanings.

It came to me, as what can YOU give to GOD. Upon realizing that God never asked for anything. I sat down and cried. Why? Because it occurred to me that God never asked for anything and all he ever did, was Give. He gave us our wealth, he gave us our family, he gave us our friends. Best yet, he gave us his only son, Jesus. So when you think about it, What we think we sacrifice alot, can never be compared to what he has given to us. All the more, should we just make time, make opportunities, to give back to HIM. Just 2 times a week, to free up to praise and worship him. Just a bit to build his church, can never be compared to what he has done or has in stored for your life! So think about it the next time you say you're tired for church, because he gave you that opportunity to have fun. Think about it the next time you say you're saving to shop, he gave you that money to enjoy. Treasure and make time for HIM, for he treasured and gave his time for you, 24/7, making sure you're safe, making sure you had enough to eat, most importantly, moulding you into what you are today.

Next, the word "GIVE" came as What God can Give You. Have you ever thought of asking for things other than the item you want, the amount of money you want, the girl to notice you, a new guitar, etc etc? Instead of those, have you ever asked for HIM? Ever since the start of time, HE made you. He moulded you, and apparently, you have his DNA. Although everyone has a different set of DNA of God because you were made in his like, we are all children of God. Children would ask their Father's to teach them things, learn new skills, love them, show them the right way. Have you ever asked our heavenly father for these?

Try this, instead of For example, "God give me a new Guitar"

God Give me your wisdom
God Give me your knowledge
God Give me your Way To Care

There are many many other meanings to the word "Give", But think about it today, What God can Give you & What you can give to God.

A friend..

I went blog browsing and I stumbled upon this blog. Though she won't read this post, I just felt like saying my part.

Terri.

A girl who 1st tried to open my eyes to see my maker.

Her blog spoke of troubled times although not explicitly written, showed and explained why I never saw much of her in classes last sem. I may be wrong.

But I just want to say this even if its too late or long over.
She always reminded me of the positiveness that could be found almost anywhere. That nothing could go wrong, even if it did, there was always a way out. We didn't speak much to each other, but through her actions, it always seemed she was strong, and that anything the world threw at her, she'd just take it on with a smile. I've learned a great deal from her throughout my poly years. What's most importantly, I've learnt responsibility from her. Thanks Terri.

If its needed, its my turn. Should she need any help at all, a listening ear, or a helping hand, I'll be there.

(:

Ok all, I should get some sleep. Take care and smiles!!!!

2008-10-13T20:16:00.003+08:00

The Fender Dream.

Some ask, why work? When you could just lay back. Others when told, ask me why work for the guitar when you can just buy it now? The answer, I don't just want to own the guitar. I don't want it as a present. I want to really feel like owning it through hardwork. I want to feel the pain to earn the guitar, to really cherish it. I've had enough of living the high life where whatever I want, I get. Its a life lesson where I will reap in future when I grow on in years, where money does not come easy and through hardwork and determination, I will get it.

Cause I've noticed, things I just buy off the shelf without caring about future consequences, I just chuck it aside. Like that, I would not have any pride in what I own, nor any interest after a while, just a sense of owning it. This is my reason for working. I pay with my sweat and blood, not by pure ego.

I want to be that way. That way, I am something. My fully and righteously earned Fender Stratocaster.

School.

Finally school has opened!! So far, I feel at home in school again, with familiar faces and happy lessons. Which is a good sign to come, finally I enjoy school. I feel this final semester in SP will leave a happy memory, and a good conduct. I will strive to attain at least full attendance, and excellent grades. With my new attitude towards school, I believe it is possible. Work hard yall!!

PS. Thanks to Liyunn, Liwei and the gang for encouraging the SP peeps, really appreciate it!!! You all are so niced, LOVE you all to bits!!

Work.

My work schedule is out!!!!!!! I will be working at Changi Airport Terminal 2 Departure Hall transit area @ Starbucks from Thursday to Sunday. LOL. Sadly you guys can't visit me during my working hours, but I'll be glad to bring out some coffee to those studying there when I'm working! Give me a buzz!

- Thursday, 8pm to 1am
- Friday, 12am to 8am
- Saturday, 12am to 8am
- Sunday, 8pm to 1am

(:

The Feeling.

Ok, I should not be having this post but I just feel like it!
So far, the devil has been hard at work, with recent happenings as requests and putting thoughts in my head. All I've to say, Nice try, But not good enough. It sucks doesn't it? Too bad, who asked you to mess with me.

My decision? Its either her (Chanel) or nothing till after NS. Don't understand? Talk to me to find out!!! LOL.

This is for today, Ciao~ Yall!

2008-10-08T21:53:00.002+08:00

No one could fathom or thought that one day I would love and play the guitar so much. LOL. Its a random thought but yea, suddenly the instrument that had eluded me for so long has come back as my favourite.

Before, it was just singing, and singing, and MORE singing. (: Gave up.

It all 1st started with just being a music fanatic, later on discovering the hidden ability to be able to mix songs and flow from one to another. Then, it was DJ fantasies. Too expensive.

Finally settled with playing the guitar which seemed after much hard work, is starting to settle in like I've started playing much much long ago. We'll see in a few months.. LOL.

Its a feeling..

Liwei will slap me after this.

I don't know whether I can wait for 2 years!! (: Ok la, I can, but what happens during the wait is like so out of my control. LOL.

This Tiredness.

I thought working in the wee hours could be nothing for me. Well I was wrong when I got so tired this morning, I put up a white flag and told them I really needed a rest and didn't go for work. I pray for strength to continue, just one more week! Until then I CAN RESCHEDULE!!! YAY!

Emo and sadness for my guitar.

I tried restringing my guitar for the 1st time, but it snapped again.. ): Sigh.. I think I'll bring it down and let the professionals handle it. I can't stand not being able to play!!! Argh..

Aights... TC all!!

2008-10-05T05:12:00.002+08:00

I can't help but blog this. I heard something today that made me quite happy and heard something else that made me sad. Small stuff. Huge impact. But I'll be ok. I'm always looking ahead! (:

2008-10-03T01:07:00.002+08:00

Anna Molly - Incubus

A cloud hangs over,
This city by the sea,
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be, (might be)
Out there and sober as well from loneliness,
Please do persist girl it's time we met and made a mess

I picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic, a proof of the prize,
Anna-molly, anna-molly, anna-molly,
DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO do DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO do

A cloud hangs over,
And mutes my happiness,
A thousand ships couldn't sail me back from distress,
Wish you were here,
I'm a wounded satellite,
I need you now put me back together make me right

I picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic, proof of the prize,
Anna molly, anna molly, anna molly,
I'm calling your name,
Up into the air,
Not one of the others could ever compare,
Anna-molly, anna-molly,

Wait there is a light,
There is a fire illuminated attic,
Fate or something better I couldn't care less,
Just stay with me a while,
Wait there is a light, there is a fire,
Defragmenting the attic,
Fate or something better I could care less,
Just stay with me a while

I picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna molly, anna molly, anna molly,
I'm Calling your name,
Up into the air,
Not one of the others could ever compare,
Anna molly, anna molly,

Wait there is a light there is a fire
Defragmenting the attic,
Fate or something better I could care less,
Just stay with me a while

This song was played randomly.

When I was thinking of stuff this song just played on my iTunes. In my terms, it portrays hope. In whatever you want, "she" can be God, can be a person, can be a dream. "The attic" can be a barrier. The song depicts barriers and obstacles breaking down. One by one, you can see yourself in wherever you wanna be. Hope is there, grab it. Life's a maze, go through it. Never be discouraged. For a strength so great is deep inside, grasp it, use it, abuse it. Its yours.

I so wanna be with her.

I'll play a song for you.

A friend told me, you're ready. You know the cords. Write a song, or play and show your stuff on Youtube. In view of my rising confidence, I will not say I'm not good enough. I will say I don't want my 1st song to be just any random song, I want my 1st song to be a song for her.

I'll write a song for you. Play it for you, and let the whole world see. My love. I promise.

Death for chivalry/Proper Romance.

Girls can say, "Good guys have gone and all are taken".

All I can say, "Good girls are blind."

No offence to you all girls. The sentence speaks for itself.

2008-10-03T00:22:00.002+08:00

I've this throbbing pain at the back of my head. Seems to come from the left of my brain. The pain just comes and goes. Sigh. It hurts like hell.

If I just vanish in the middle of the night. Don't cry. Just remember me.

Getting more and more tired as responsibilities stack up. Guess its just me to have alot of things in my life, if not I'll be just an insignificant figure in existence, and a child of God.

I can't do this on my own. God is with me, with every strength given to me. I will break through all resistance.

2008-09-26T01:07:00.003+08:00

Don't ask me why. I just feel like I've gotten myself involved and thinking about things that make my life flooded. I feel like I'm drowning. Its definitely not about church.

I feel taken advantage of sometimes. Maybe I'm just too nice.

Why do I feel this way. Sigh. Maybe I'm having my period. xD

2008-09-24T00:12:00.003+08:00

My Answer..

Today, after getting my long every-2-month hair cut, waiting for the bus home, I was approached by a girl and her friend. The conversation? Girl: "Hi, er.. You're Cute. Can I have your number, its for my friend behind?" Me: "Hmm, Yea, but I'm gay, sorry." (: LOL! The thing is, its not the 1st time. & I'll keep giving that answer. Cause I'm still waiting. YOU HEAR THAT?! :P

Hero/Heroine.

These few days I've been hooked to this song,"Hero/Heroine" by Boys Like Girls. Somehow this song shows how a boy meets girl but is shy to admit. Its relevance to guys today is so uncanny in the way that when a guy meets a girl that he's attracted to or has feelings for, but can only adore and love from afar or can never show it. Relationships nowadays often meet pitfalls like this even before they being because guys never try. This often pushes the girl to make the first move. No offence to the girl who asked today, cause I have my reasons. (: When girls make the 1st move, hell the guy will BE happy, but does it make you a guy at all?

Sow____, Get _____

One of the many parts of conversations that hit a part of my thinking. Been happening alot with other phrases but here's one. While talking bout buying new stuff and using money wisely, a phrase Sow a guitar and get a guitar came up. The link between using money wisely? Think, save up for 2, buy one and you wont be broke. Its useful this method, you won't end of with worries of having money problems at the end of the day.

OK. so its not really the main meaning for the phrase, the real meaning, give whatever effort, get whatever effort. So I want to start this habit of giving everything my all, and getting what's worth my all. After that, I can smile and know that Whatever God has planned for me, was made for me.

You don't have to be rich to___.

This phrase should be at the root of all things you dream of doing. For one thing, if you dream of something so big and yet money stands in your way, think again. You don't have to be rich to be a great musician. Practice with normal guitar, get good and music companies will be throwing money at you. The point? You don't need a guitar like ur idol.

2008-09-22T06:14:00.001+08:00

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a clouds
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And its so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie

You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
I feel like a newborn child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin? x2

2008-09-20T02:46:00.002+08:00

Black & White..

My blog is in black and white. Not because I don't want to put colours, its because of the way I view things in life now. Not black and white, but just simple and less complicated. Also because of the incredible way words can paint a picture. Every word is a paint drop, a line drawn and a pixel created. I'd like to say, that words describe everything. Although a picture paints a thousand words, a thousand words paint a picture in detail, even better High Definition.

Just a religion? Not exactly.

Some question the very existence of a religion, be it Buddhism, Catholic, Christianity, Muslim or Judaism, and the question most often asked, even by the most stanch of believers and free thinkers is, "Why people believe differently?"

Well, it is my blog and I'm going say it my way, because one of the many principles that rule my life, is that of having a global mindset. I believe that no matter who you believe in, its the direction of that belief that you require. Subconsciously, people start believing in religions, is the fact that they believe that the path that the religion shows is right & that there is a path away to make everything right again. Everyone needs to believe when there is nothing earthly left to believe in. When all else fails, and everything seems to just fade away, the worst thing you can do, is throw your life away, this by drinking stupid, taking drugs and killing yourself emotionally and physically just dying. If you're not dead, you wake up and find that just another has past and you're stuck with that same feeling you wanted to throw away.

What I'm aiming at? I'm aiming at saving yourself be it in whatever you believe in. People can tell you, its going to be ok, Tv shows can portray a beautiful sunset, but are you the actor or actress in the movie? 99% of the time you try and hope that it'll all work out, but you're just giving 1% of your effort. That 1% of your effort is just getting your butt of the couch and stare at the problem. Crudely, the problem is laughing at you.

Religions don't offer a temporary ecstasy of happiness that you jump around or pray and ask for everything to be ok. Religions offer more, a path, a direction, a goal and a way. So this comes back to my question, are religions just going to a place of worship and closing your eyes of 30 mins just letting your heart out? No. Religions gets your arse moving and teaches you to tackle the problem. Having problem with your studies? Love? Family? Finance? Here's how religion helps you, it helps you think and not continuously complain about your problems hoping someone hears it and by tomorrow make it disappear. It helps you think through what you've been doing wrong, how to free your mind, how to do things correctly, anaylse your goals have a better life, that's what you should be thinking and talking bout. What you should not be thinking an talking bout, is what had already happened and brood about it.

Compare having a self help book or a book that tells you how to get rich in 10 days, to just having a path to follow that is pre-destined? Between doing things right and doing things that a guy wearing a nice suit with a big smile saying you can do it and gives you 10 reasons why you can, which is simpler?

Guess you feel scammed now right? Buying that book.

Concluding, I'd just like to say, I'm a Christian, I'm proud of it because I can learn to make my life better, get out of the crap yard and instead of collecting crap to live on, see the wonder and glory of God.

P.s. I am not insulting or creating acquisitions that other religions are bad, I am just pointing out, why we want people to believe in themselves and a religion. Its not because we want your money, not because we are desperate of members, not because of the fact that you're pretty or handsome and best of all, not because we want an audience at an event. We just want to show you, you're not alone. So take our hand and open your eyes.

"Live" for..

During today's sharing of words and revelations while prayer, I had a word that popped into my mind. But it was a word I could not fabricate a way to say it out to the CG, it was too big. Following that word, came many other words, words that meant important things in my life and many other lives, so I hope you all read this.

The word that came into my mind, was "Live". Praying, I asked God, "why Live?" God gaves us a life to live, yes. Than came the big lightbulb. I smiled to myself, and I knew. This word spread, throughout my life, and it may spread throughout yours too. Why? Because have you ever thought about, who what why when how you "Live" for someone or something? Its a purpose. God's purpose for me. I fabricated these purposes in my life to live for. Thanks be to God.

"Live" for

God
Jesus
Friends
Family
Music
Love
Right
Studies
Choice
Glory of God
Glory of Jesus
The needy people
The moment I glorify my MUM
The people in my life.

The list just goes on and on. I'm selfless by nature, so naturally I want to give my all for everyone else. So today, think about what you live for. I've actually alot more to say, hope you all get the idea why this word is BIG in our lives and could make a difference yours.

Aight shall blog till here, I somehow feel I've painted a "Da Vinci". LOL.. Take Care Yall!!

2008-09-13T03:01:00.002+08:00

Its disgusting. Really disgusting when a person just takes it as if all people in the world are of the same personality, same attitude and of the same type. If we were all meant to be the same, God wouldn't spend so much time and trouble making us have different appearances! We would all be like robots, that look identical to each other and be like bees doing the same thing!

I got this from hearing girls talk about, "Oh, all guys are so #@$%@#!@" & Guys say " Girls are so @!@#@#$%". Gosh aren't you all stereotypical? It just disgusts me the way how these people think that of others just by how their treated. Why not think about it in way that its only that guy's fault? Not all people are the same. Not all people are disloyal, cheating, lying arseholes you know. These comments put to shame those who believe in social morality, loyalty and respect for the other gender. They imply an image to the mind, that once you sight a person, you'd think the person is of that kind of personality, but do you really know the person? If its just you causing the person to show you a kind of attitude? If I hear one more comment from someone I know that stereotypes others, please get your stereotypical arse away from me, it wreaks of bullshit.

Oh, also about relationships. If you know about the person you like as to be someone who would be disloyal or as a person who cheats on you. Please save yourself the trouble getting duped. If you are already in a relationship or know the person long enough to know that he would never be disloyal to you or cheat on you, and still think all people of that gender do these kind of things, please just break up with the person and go meditate before going into another relationship to save the trouble of having the person who loves you so much prove it time and time again.

A random thought..

When you asked, you asked for a break.

When I acknowledged you, you rejected and said we have broken up.

Then, why is this called a break when I am rejected? This is called a break up. I am dumped.

The future..

Today's word gave an insight on what we can have for the future. Yes its true no one can predict what the future may bring. But what if I told you, you can expect what your future can give you, now?

Yes, you can expect what your future can give you, that's by planning and envisioning what you can have in future! Notice that if you don't plan, someone or something else will control your future for you, now you won't want that would you? For example, You just follow your best friend into a course of study just because you're lazy to think bout it. In the end, you just handed over your future to the school or your best friend because its not what you want for your future, its what the school can give to you know.. So friends, take control of your future, plan for it and you shall know what to expect for the future. Lets say, you think it through your strengths and weakness and go for a course you like, then you can expect to be in a job you like. Or, you plan to practice a certain skill, you'd know you'll be very good in that certain skill because you've practiced it over and over.

Not only must you plan well, you must also learn to let go of past failures. Just think of it as letting go of a heavy load to enjoy a new experience. You cannot carry both as it would be too heavy, so inorder to possess your future, bury the past, you wont need it anyway where you're headed. For example, your failures would be needed to celebrate your successes.

Actually this is just a step that's needed for the lay-man to know, for Christians, further empowerment and possession of your future requires you 2 more steps, 2. Continue Meditating on the Word and 3. Step out into the world in faith. These mean, Follow the word of God and Act in the word of God. These steps are important as these are the sources of strength, power and courage for all.

Aights thats for all, kinda tired now.. See ya!!

2008-09-08T00:13:00.002+08:00

Mark 2:11-12

"I say to you, arise, take up your bed, and go to your house." "Immediately he arose, took up the bed, and went out in the presence of them all, so that all were amazed and glorified God, saying "We never saw anything like this!!"

This came to me during my quiet prayer time with God. Just appeared in my mind when I was playing rubbish on the guitar and my room so dark and quiet.. Really soothing. Aights back to the phrase.

I believe this phrase gave me a message, a message that was so rightly given to me because of the many sins and how my life had gone haywire before I gave myself. This phrase (Interpreted by me), told me that now that I'm changing my life, through myself and my ways, I will glorify God. Such that getting good grades, being a good role model and having a good personality. I will show others what God and Jesus can do for their lives. It will be like witnessing a total loss hope into a miraculous cure. Praise be to God and Jesus, for I will glorify them through myself!

Leadership.

It has been so long since I last turned my back on leading people, I was so tired of being in a leadership position, that it had took its toll on my studies. Inspired by leaders such as Jack Welsh and the Ex-Japanese PM, my obsession with being a leader dated back into my secondary school days. During Secondary School, I used to attend leadership courses, camps and held leading positions, same thing going on to Poly only having to really organise events until I got so tired I just dropped everything.

The talk by Liwei on Saturday brought about thoughts of being that one person who loved to inspired and lead again. Do I really want to be that person again? Am I made out to take up such responsibilities again? I don't know whether to say this, but I'm scared. Scared of screwing up, scared of losing out, Scared of not knowing what to do.

I loved being a leader. Until now, I was settling being a follower. A great leader once said, "To be an excellent leader, is to follow in someone's footsteps and then break out and start your own." Is it the right time to break out? When is it the right time to break out? Am I meant to Start my own path? Shall pray on all this.

Who Knows?

Who Knows? I might one day take over a position. God tell me when and by then, make me ready to take up and lead again.

Guitar Future.

Going to sign up for the guitar lessons tomorrow! Finally, I will be getting to learn one of my favourite instruments. I will set myself to be determined and hardworking and before long, start or join a band where I can break new grounds into the music scene

Aights, shall blog till here.. Tc yall!!

2008-09-07T01:30:00.002+08:00

Summarizing Friday and Saturday of this week!! Had BBQ on Friday night, it was a real blast to finally have an activity where everyone turned up, even those I've not seen for a while. Could have done with some activities for the friends that came too.. Ate so much that time, sigh.. Oh well's had fun!! LOL.. Took alot of pictures too, can't wait to kope the photos from them, gonna bug the people's whose camera's have me on them!! LOL.. After that went to meet Qian Yi and her friends.

Although I just met them, they were a nice bunch! Had some "teh peng" @ Simpang while listening to them talk bout their K box Trip. LOL.. There was Greyton: Who's hair needed bit of thinning down, but other wise rather cool guy. HAHA.. & JX: Didn't really get his full name. Finally found another guy who's music passion flew through the roof! Queenie: Cute and nice to talk to! Rather friendly, we almost talked bout anything that came to her mind! LOL..

After Simpang, went back to E-Hub for some bowling, that's after meeting Chloe (I think that's her name.). FYI: I have not bowled ever since I was Sec 4. Amazingly scored 4 strikes and a whole lot of Spares. lols.. Guess I still had that touch!! I wasn't a very good teacher though, the guys were doing well and... Not so good of the girls.. Poor Queenie didn't get her strike. LOL.

Following the evening/morning, hung out @ Greyton's place.. Was so tired I just played any games they wanted to. If I could remember, we played indian poker and K is King.. lols.. They quarrelled so much over who got the king and who did what forfeit! LOL.. All I wanted to do was watch MTV mvs peacefully. LOL... All I know was I got most of the forfeit to be done on, which was like so disgusting... -_-"

Breakfast at 6 and headed home at 7.. Yawns.. Fell asleep at only 8. Hoped the girls went home safely cause they were saying they were so tired and didn't have enuff money for cab.

Aight, It was Bible study at 2.30 the usual place for me the following afternoon! & Service Followed. Service today felt rather different, it felt like God had come closer to me. Shall Blog bout that another day..

Ciao Yall!!

2008-09-07T01:17:00.002+08:00

Aights.. Here's my blog for today.. Yet another song by The Script, "The End Where I Begin"

"The End Where I Begin"

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Now I'm alive
and my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
[X3]
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars dont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away

---------------------------------------------------------

This song portrays life from the ashes. Speaks of the real truth behind what emotionally hurting humans go through before going on to redemption. Not only does this song opens eyes on the fact that life actually begins after each and everyone of us falls, it tells of the tale where getting up is never easy, moving on is never easy and getting back on to the path to glory is so near yet so far.

"Sometimes, we don't learn from out mistakes." How many people can say that they've totally learn from every mistake? To never repeat the same mistake in a lifespan. None.

Don't wanna break it any further. Just saying people this song, is very real to those whose eyes are already open. Realize it, live it, embrace it.