Yes, society has started to use tumblr. Shit, tumblr's cool but too much graphics, I'd rather paint a picture with words (No offence tumblr users, your stuff's cool! =) Facebook, can't replace writing (Or typing) my thoughts, this is still the best place.

Disclaimer: This blog will not and will never be affixed or placed with Army related information. LOL.

Anyways. Lets just start off fresh. In just two months alone so much has been changed, so much has been broken (not just literally) and yet so much apologizing to do.

I'm going to be honest here, cause I feel honesty's the best policy, hates keeping things inside so much, eventually it'll all come out.

Firstly, there's a change in my cell group. Apparently, N397 has dispersed. Sobs. I'm now brought to N246. New environment, new people, just the wrong timing. Not slaming you guys! The peeps at N246 ARE GREAT! Seriously, I hardly know you, but you're all so interested to know all about my life. Guys you're knocking at the right door but the door's jammed at the moment. Things are not going quite the way for me now. I'll somehow find the reason to smile again. When that happens, then you'll truly know the real me and what's it like to know me. For now, read on! I'd like to apologize to the peeps at N246, SORRY!

Headphones guy has fallen into and out of love. Yes, again, for those who have faithfully followed my blog would know. What happened you ask? (Not mentioning any names)

When guy meets girl, impossibility became possible. What seemed so right became everything so wrong. Wrong timing for everything to happen. Both had dreams, to fulfill and work on. Personal goals and issues to settle. Factors like these weighed down heavily on two people who just seemed to try find ways out. Until the balance just tipped over and the milk spills. Something had to be done, and it was. Never could two pretend to be happy and all is well, when disaster could strike at anytime. Had it gone any further, yes, the pain would be unbearable. I appreciate her for being honest and for what she did, I just didn't want to face it. I'm a fighter, I just fought and fought, but fought blindly. Hurting what we had, worse, the friendship we had in the process just being stupid enough not to let go when it meant the best.

Now its hard, just to even be normal. Its just time's like this that you just want to turn time back. To look at it in another perspective, it was a test of both worlds. Which is more important? What we're meant to do or just trying to control a disaster waiting to happen. Not saying that we'd end up a chaos, but it just wasn't the right time. I should've listened. She spoke, I just turned a deaf ear didn't I? Stupid boy. Sorry girl. From the bottom of my heart.

Nevertheless, I really want to ask. Just as friend. Really, sincerely, deeply, truly. A concerned "How are you?" But my mouth never seems to open. Just the thought that "she most probably won't reply" keeps flying into my mind. I'd prefer how we used to be. Just normal friends, who just shared everything with each other. Missed those days.

Yes, I'm not boyfriend material, can't really trust myself. Can't trust myself loving anyone.

Moving on, apart from heartbreaks, things ain't so good as thing start falling brick by brick. Life seems to take an evil turn. When the normally talkative and open laurel becomes so constrained by fear of letting people know him. Hardly makes friends nowadays.

Mainly why that smile hasn't come back yet, is the cause of spiritual dryness. Nothing compares to that, sigh. So much to go through, Army training, stress, etc etc. Just finding excuses along the way, and putting up a front only can last for a while. Until I really face the real problem. Me.

I just wanna be me, please come back Laurel. I'm begging you. Please smile. Please.