Yes, this happens naturally when things occupy my mind. Its now been months since I naturally felt anything at all. Hiding the fact about things just seem to just occupy more space in my mind. Things I think about, include things I never should think about. Sometimes people just think I wanna be emo for no reason, well I'd rather be happy than being emo, and that's a real fact about me, could be added into a book of 101 facts about Laurel. 

Why would I want to be emo, when there's so much happiness surrounding me. Personally, how well do you guys know me? I don't speak my feelings, I hide em. Hide em so much that I sometimes just wanna scream. 

Yes, I've found a new group of friends that could be there, anytime, anywhere. New environment to immerse myself in but that doesn't hide the fact that I could be putting up a fake smile just to let the day go by. 

Not one day goes by without a thought about important things in my life. 

1. My band

2. My responsibilities

3. My Family & Friends

4. Love 

In fact, what I really scream about sometimes are about the things that put the entire list in the opposite direction starting with No. 4. I don't deny God's love and am not saying its not enough. Its obviously very enough. It sucks to not be able to fully enjoy the happiness around me, you might say its stupid to think about it, you might say its not very useful and is a waste of my youth. But how many of you can actually put the fact aside that somethings really missing. 1 year already has passed. People just need to be loved, and I'm going to use this word, "Intimately". Trying to recover what's gone, is a thing of the past. Again not saying I'm not putting my music 1st to pursue dreams and help to realise dreams, sometimes, I just need someone to be by my side. The contradiction? I'm scared of being scarred again. For just this reason, I'm reluctant to even try to pursue anyone. Yes, I'm talking about getting attached again. You might say, single life ain't bad, I agree, it isn't bad, but how far can you take your feelings with no one behind you? So the story goes, I've loved, I've lost. When can I love again? If this is God's way of making me even stronger for other emotional losses, I'll gladly go through it all again. HOW LONG CAN I RUN FROM THIS?! 

*I should've been stronger, I did not wrong, just faced the challenge, of love begetting sadness, of sadness begetting a revival.